There is a definite buzz here at SELEDA… the kind of cautious high we used to get from seeing our former bosses straggle in from a night of debauchery, which meant they would have to agree to all our demands because the hangover ras mitat made them weak.

Last we left you, we here at SELEDA were in the middle of an embarrassingly flimsy mefenqile mengist that ushered in the Zemene “Creative Crew”. As new management gets acclimated to SELEDA house rules, we are enjoying that certain joie de vivre buzz. (We think it is the same kind of short-lived euphoria that used to engulf us whenever we managed to pull one over a Qebele official who would come inquiring as to why the presently- adhari -but- tikus-hayl - in- the- making kid did not attend yet another ,Gimegema Komitay sibseba.)

Welcome to the Science and Technology issue of SELEDA! Someone must have messed with the carrot/wheat germ/granola frappé New Upper (“we are not bosses, we are visionaries-in-chiefs”) management people megonCHet before passing editorial edicts, because they were this close to nixing the whole idea and subbing it with a gargantuan “Poetry and Meaning” issue.

OK, fine. And maybe there was a kifu intimation from the unnecessarily caustic at SELEDA who… well, someone wrote “Scientists and Techies don’t know alliteration from urination!” in the executive washroom. Not nice. Not nice at all. (Neither was the fallout: a very mandatory “Hate is not a family value” seminar underwritten by the Natural Food Co-operative frequented by SELEDA bosses.)

But as soon as articles came flowing in, all those who even fleetingly demurred that scientists and techies would barter their akist lijs for a whiff of Boron, went slinking to the new “time out” nuzzazay corner to appease the scorned gods of bytes and Bunsen burners. If white men can jump, then our pre-judged brethren have proven that they too can be prolific, thoughtful and passionate writers.

Our deepest gratitude to all our March contributors, who, we will state for the record, were the most prompt and least demanding writers with whom SELEDA has ever been graced. We are proud of the achievers amongst us, and are delighted they were so agreeable in sharing their stories. Enjoy.

Onto more mundane matters… What’s new at SELEDA?

Well, by “new” we assume you don’t mean the brand spankin’ new ergonomically correct Boardroom, which is now sans a conference room table… it, er, slowed down new management’s “positive wavelength emission”, and was a “subconscious oppressor of free thought”. (Hey, we just work here!)

Rather, the authentically new thing at SELEDA is that plans for our anniversary issue are finally in motion. With the April issue, SELEDA will be “coming back to its roots”… and no, that does not mean the entire staff will go back into therapy to see what else we can blame on Mengistu. Instead, we will be exploring in depth the issue of being professional Ethiopians in what we have dubbed, (besemeab, we-weld , we-menfess Qidus…) the “Careers” issue. (Gonbess belu… ere gonbess belu!)

Quickly, before those in the non(giggle, giggle)-profit sector synchronize their whine about being the Qei Tegur ye-injera lijoch (that would be red-headed step-children) of the SELEDA “professional” hierarchy, may we say that the only professionals we at SELEDA have unadulterated disdain for are Soviet trained executioners… followed by kleptrocratic dictators (well, you know, those who are not on our staff)… then lawyers. In that order. So, please, if you work at a non (snicker, snicker)-profit, we will thank you in advance for not besieging us with allegations of élitism. (Although we think you would have a good case against your college advisor…. Just kidding! Tiny joke. Semi-joke. Quasi joke. The Diet Coke of jokes.)

Ehem. Esti sine s’rat.

The Careers issue will cover aspects of climbing the corporate ladder, abandoning the rat race, advancing in our workplaces, advice, networking, personal essays, tichit, the grandeur of being starving artists, and, yes! loving those in the non(gfaw!)-profit sector. (Abo!) Hopefully, we will also have a surprise or two about making SELEDA more interactive, (yeah… you haven’t heard that one before!) and, no, that does not mean executing an invite-only SELEDA Singles Mingles session at Fasika’s. (Although…)

Er, we would like to take this opportunity to remind our readers what the appropriate gift is for first anniversaries at SELEDA Land: lotsa, lotsa gerricans of ye-ChanCHo Qibé. Barring that, we hope you will be part of the mother of all surveys, the penultimate SELEDA Survey. In 35 words (more or less), tell us why you read SELEDA. Authors of the most amusing entries (and let’s face it, “amusing entries” in SELEDA Speak translates to… bribes) will qualify to be contestants on “Who Wants to Marry an Ethiopian Millionaire?” slated to air on UPN next fall. We wait with bated breath. Please have your entries in by March 15.

What else?

Not that we are being either misgana nor Qelbe bissoCH, not at all, but we will go right ahead and assume that the surge of inquiries from readers about submitting articles to SELEDA is evidence that entirely too many people are taking us seriously. (Our nefs abats are horrified and we hope you are too.)

Now to a little damage control about the protocol of submitting essays to SELEDA and how the editors choose articles for publication.

Despite what you may have heard on your way to the dance floor at the Ritz-Carlton Poppo Laré, we would like to debunk the theory that editors meet at the crack of dawn of every third full moon of the Gregorian calendar, by a bahir zaff whose longest branch faces north-west-north and whose roots are fertilized by the fresh blood of an organically fed Tebbot beré, holding Twaffs pledged to Qulibi Mikael with our right hands, and Tsebel yetereCHebet thesaurus on our left, chewing tobacco before we ini-mini-miney-mo articles we end up publishing. Pure conjecture! Half-truths and untruths! Lies and sim maTfats! The tree branch faces north- east- north.

However, if you are so inclined to grace us with an article, alls you have to do is send in a query as to the subject matter, a board certified physician’s affidavit testifying to your sanity, and a sworn- before- your- nissiha’abbat promise to deliver what you’ve promised on time. (Deviating from the last rule shall unleash SELEDA penal code 106.7 upon you: “Thou shalt not regress to abeshanet and fail to deliver articles on time. If you do, you grant ruthless SELEDA editors to erase everything on your hard drive, and/or burn your Kenny G. CD collection. Whichever is more painful.)

So, welcome all writers.

And so that it might serve as a lighthouse to prospective scribes, some of the upcoming “themes” we are entertaining are the “History”, “Food and Drink”, “ Family”, “Money” and “The Role of Echinacea and other Home Remedies to Assuage the Frayed Ethiopian Nerve” issues. Somethin’ for everybody.

QeTilo…

No news or development on the “What is the Purpose of SELEDA?” uncertainty that had whipped us into a frenzy early on last month. A stalemate was reached when we could not extricate ourselves from a daylong discussion on whether sinking SELEDA monies into patenting a “tea-paccino” machine was financially sound or not. (The coffee drinking cabal ended up playing the “you are horrible Ethiopians for not drinking buna” card that resulted in the newly empowered “tea-drinking pansies” to go running out of the room in tears.) And thus, another SELEDA editorial meeting bites the dust.

Therefore, we remain, yours truly, The Web Site about Nothing.

But, we are happy to report, definite progress was made on how to resolve the “what the SELEDA look should be” CHiQ-i-ChiQ. After numerous votes on re-votes (it was established that voting twice or under a dead person’s name was bilgina), we have come to a conclusion that in order to sustain our creative front page, we would have to, er, outsource. Therefore, if you are an Ethiopian artist or graphic design guru (or if you play one on TV), and would like to showcase your work, please contact us with more information on how to properly mooch off your considerable talents. So, officially, SELEDA front page is open to… sanity.

With that, we hope you will join us in celebrating a great year next month. We hope we have managed to capture your interest at one time or another, and we hope you will be a part of another year of “SELEDA: The Golden Years.” As always, your words of encouragement, debasement and any recipes for a salmon and minchetabish terrine are most welcome.

ZiQ bilen ij nestenal.

The Humble Editors.
Editors@seleda.com