Top Ten Annoying Family Members

10. Ato Teyaqi Nade Yigremew: The eternal conspiracy theorist uncle. He knows for a fact that King Solomon had two kids by Nigist Saba… the Egyptians smuggled the "other kid" to Cairo because he was born with the blueprints of the pyramids tattooed on his back.

9. Meto Aleqa Bogale Bandafta: That cousin once or twice removed, who was once or twice dishonorably discharged from the army for 'attitude problems.' Gifted with a short fuse, and a screeching tenor voice, he will zelalem insist that you do pushups instead of wasting time with school "agul timirt ... yet lideress new ahun?"

8. Weizero Teneshi Niqat: Your grandmother's sister… been in the States too long… she describes in detail her OBGYN visits.

7. "Lij" Mekonnen Menelik Sahle Sellasie: Your cousin who just discovered that his great-great-great grandfather might have been related to royalty. The cousin formerly known as Mak now wants to know if YOUR great, great, great grandfather was "ye CHewa lij".

6. Awet Haile Sellasie: your newly non-Ethiopian sister-in-law who now insists on talking to you only in English… means that you have to purge polysyllabic words from you vocabulary until she actually learns English.

5. Addisu Hiwet: Your moshlaQa ye sefer wenbedE yakist lij who now is a bible thumping zealot. He denies his tawdry past, and doesn't pay child support to any of the children he sired pre finding Geta.

4. Astu: Like Cher and Madonna no one knows her last name. Nickname is "Google" because she knows everything about everybody and can download you information in 2.4 seconds.

3. Yeneneh ZemedE: You are not sure how you are related to this guy, but he has claimed you as a "cousin". In fact, everybody is his "cousin" including your German girlfriend. Drops names like it is lega qibE on dereq kitfo.

2. ItiyE Tarik Ababal: Your aunt who cannot finish a sentence without inserting a teret in there. If on that rare occasion she does run out, she makes them up…"Ho! Intinu intin sihon intin hone alu!"

1. Dr. Raselas Mandefro: your intellectual snob of a Kristina abat. He has misquoted Plato and Aristotle so much that their estates are suing him… mangles metaphors readily…is the undefeated king of malapropisms…"You will promise to forget this fellow--to illiterate him, I say, quite from your memory." No one dares to correct him… His "Ante… yet new yetemarkew"s are eminently withering.