To:

From: Qelemyelesh

Date: September 20, 2001

Subj: Selam

Selam. Let me get my apologies right out of the way. Sorry it took this long to fire off the first entry, but I've been busy. But worse than that, I've been left wondering how to start this dialogue off. When I heard from our "editor" that you were reluctant to start this off, I thought, No sweat.

I will. Wish I'd turned her down. Wish I'd told her to let you go ahead with it. I wish my car would behave. I wish I had another job. I wish my boss would take a flying leap…. With all this wishing going on, I amaze myself in that I've found the time to key this in. You're wondering about my font of brilliance, I'm sure. I know, I know. I stun myself too. Not well enough. I'm too conscious all the time. But, hey, I try. Oops, there I go digressing again. Let's reign this in, shall we?

So, A) I'm sorry I'm writing this first entry to you only now, a mere 10 days before deadline, as our most humble of editors has more than once reminded me, and B).... er....uh....nope....no B).

So far, I've apologized twice and it's only taken up a paragraph and a smidgen. Time to change tactics.

Somewhere along the way, we're supposed to discuss something about race and color, but before that particular battle begins, I thought we should take this initial contact to get to know each other. So, lemme start off by telling you what I do for a living: something I actively hate....or is it my boss that I hate? Well, that's a toss-up on any good day. Let's say I'm in middle management and have managed to raise paper shuffling to an art form. I've been in these here United States of America longer than it's healthy to admit, even to myself - so I'll admit to more than 15 years, but less than 21. Moving on.....I drive fast, except when it rains, and I hate the snow, unless it's in a beautiful painting. I can cook well, but seldom do, I love to read, but seem to have stopped doing that, too (and apparently, I rhyme my prose). I used to love TV, but not since Ossama bin Ladin has become the featured star in every doggoned program. But if I have to be honest, and I mean truly honest, I really defected from pledging allegiance to the "boob tube" when Mulder went AWOL from The X-Files. You think the aliens really wanted him that badly? Yeah.... So.... I love coffee - or is it I live coffee in my steamed milk? I think over the years of becoming an expert at a job that I hate, I've developed something like a yawning disorder. Last count - 15 yawns in one 8-hour period. There must be a research center somewhere that deals with that. No, don't bother....I'll surf the Web myself and locate that erstwhile organization. I'm sure there's mad money to be made out there.

You're a student. A senior? Don't hurry out those gates of Academia, ishi? I remember when I was your age, not so long ago, and I thought, God, just get me out of here now! and I promise I won't ever ask for anything else.

But I lied. I've been asking for a lot more than a good grade on a test for which I crammed in the wee hours of the morning before. And I think God knew I was offering more than I could possibly make good on. I mean, what does a 20-year-old with "life in the Real World" on the brain know about reality anyway? Not a helluvalot, I tell ya. But I did think I knew enough. I thought that my pretty smile and my amazing skills in comma hunting would land me a cushy job at a worthwhile publishing company.

Not! I thought I could manage rent, car payments, and shopping for a Fall wardrobe on my salary at my first job. Wrong. I literally believed that Northern Virginia was immune from the bali full of invisible racism I get doused with on a daily basis now. Yeah. You may turn off the laugh track now, if you will, please. So, older and wiser, with the wrinkles of experience just beginning to threaten appearance on my forehead, I have come to realize that life is what you have, what you slog through everyday, why you have to take Tylenol at least twice a week, and why you believe your next and only graduation is going to be from Tylenol to Prozac.

It's been a bad week - if you couldn't tell already from my diatribe. But I want to instill one thing in your mind, as someone who's older and has felt the unkind backhand of life hit her more than once. Don't live your life looking for something better than what you have. Make what you have work for you as much as it is possible while you're looking for something better.

Okay, enough on the lecture. I just wanted to soften you up for the Scud Missiles of attack I've got lounging about in my thoughts for when we do begin to address the meat of this dialogue.

So with this mish-mash of confused (yet oddly cathartic) verbal vomit, I lobe the discussion ball into your court and wait with bated breath for your reply.

Qelem-yelesh

To: Qelemyelesh

From: Yelias

Date: September 25, 2001

Greetings! You know, upon reading your entry I thought to myself, "What have I gotten myself into?!" I apologize for sending this to you so late. I'd also like to apologize to one of Seleda's esteemed editors since I promised to be prompt with a reply. Like you, I've been busy; but truthfully, my tardiness is more a result of my inability to collect my thoughts on how to introduce myself, much less address the topic at hand. I mean, I'm betting I could write repeatedly and never touch upon race, color, or ethnicity and still have a great time doing it. Needless to say, once these topics are added, things will likely become...well...(fill in with the adjective of your choice). Okay, having said that, I won't keep you in suspense any longer.

Yes, as you stated, I'm a senior (at Cornell University) studying environmental science (they call it natural resources, but when I tell people that, they often look at me as if I'm planting trees all day, which sounds fun, but isn't exactly my cup of tea). Yes, among other ridiculous goals I've set for my life is the following: save the planet for future generations, human and non-human alike. Think I can pull it off? Sure, I'll probably need some help, but I figure if I'm not doing something like this, I might as well have fun for a couple more years and call it a life. This might sound comedic, but this is actually a pretty clear snapshot into my thoughts, views and beliefs. I'd be interested to hear what you have to say on the matter, if time permits that is.

Hmmm, what else? Honestly, there's not much to me aside from what I've just told you. I grew up an athlete that read less than five books and was very ignorant of the world before descending on Cornell's campus (well, I'm still ignorant of the world and hopefully will change that through my career). Although I loved to bike and play numerous team sports up until high school (baseball and basketball specifically), I developed an affinity for running once I reached high school.

I got by with being 5'6'' and 98lbs. coming into high school, but that wouldn't suffice for team sports. And of course my friends' answer was to eat LOTS of protein and lift weights like it was my job...fat chance.

Naturally, I was built for running, and that's where I turned my attention. Besides, with Haile Gebreselasie as a habesha I could turn to, is it any wonder why I admire long distance running? Oh, one last thing: I used to play video games religiously. I was even in formal and informal tournaments. Somewhere along the line I realized there was more to life, and hence the current desire to save the planet...

I'm sure I could tell you more about me, but I've probably put you to sleep already. Not to mention I'd like to have a few more exchanges before this is done, so I'll dive right into the featured topic.

What to say? Hmmm, my housemates discuss this stuff all the time, so I SHOULD be able to address this with confidence.

Sadly, we rarely get anywhere on the subject, and my attitudes often change from week to week. We exchange and flaunt our vast rhetoric, yet rarely support our theories with the limited experience and knowledge we have. And in my case, it's just that--limited. I would say race is not a genetic distinction, but a social construct used by certain people to preserve their interests in society. Okay, that was horrible, I know. I don't mean to sound like a professor, but that's what I feel like these days, and I don't mean this in a good way. (I really envy you...I need a break from this atmosphere.)

But I could share my case with you. My mother is Amhara, and fairly light skinned. And my step-father...white. HUH, you say? Yeah, life was interesting growing up considering my sister (Lili) and I, both darker than my mother, often drew interesting comments to my father. Some people even thought he was Lili's sugar daddy or pimp! Goodness gracious. But here's the interesting part: the person that was clearly more influential in my life was my father. After coming here at the tender age of two, my ability to speak Amharic was gradually phased out with the supreme Anglo language, the language of global commerce, etc., English. Looking back, I wish my father only spoke to me in Amharic at home and simply allowed me to speak English in public spaces. Maybe then my mother and I would have been closer, and I'd identify more as a true Amhara.

My father constantly told me, "You're not Black; you're

Ethiopian." Here he meant Black = Black American/African American. My mother also reminded me I was a habesha, not a Black

American...(can you say internal racism that in my own house, and INTERracial home? I thought we were the model family?...ha ha!). But now I have to wonder, am I Ethiopian? Yes, I was born there; I eat the food when I can, and ALWAYS when I'm at home; I grew up listening to the music, although admittedly I don't make an effort to do so now; and my name reflects my Amhara origins--at least 2/3 of my name does. So I'm clearly a US resident by culture, but at the same time I don't feel any tie to this country, even in the midst of the alarming situation that has just taken place in NYC and DC. I guess I just see myself as a person of this world that hopes to see his homeland in the near future, and although I do have brown skin and African features, my ideas, beliefs, actions...character, is wholly African, much less Amharic. This helps explain why I would like doing things like this. Yet, even this I'm doing a piss poor job of, as this tardy entry illustrates. I hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely

Yelias Wendimu Bender