No longer can just a handful of “established” high schools and institutions of higher education in Ethiopia (ok, Addis) pick and choose its class body. Oh, no. Thanks to the plethora of new learning institutions springing up all over the country (Ok, in Addis), we predict that by 2015 there will be stiff competition for the attention of potential students and the birr their parents shell out for tmhrt. And just how does a place of learning vie for public attention? Employing a better curriculum? Attracting inspirational teachers? (What are you, a commie??) NO! By getting a spiffy advertising package together… this is, after all, globalization at its very best worst.

A-ha! You probably did not know this, but some SELEDA Staffers actually worked in Ad agencies on Madison Avenue… yeah, sure, as paper clip sorters and assistants to the assistant janitor, but still.

So, in anticipation of this “Education Explosion 2015” that is timed to mefendat 12 years from now, we asked our frustrated copywriters to come up with ad taglines that can transform any school into a respectable intellectual gebeta bEt.

Addis Abeba University: “Now offering new classes such as ‘Gimgema and Society 101’. Also featuring a fresh new fleet of expatriate professors who smile a lot.”

Italian School: “We have revamped our kindergarten cafeteria: Linguine alle vongole, a nice Chianti and a post-nap cigarette. Have your children join the tradition of “best chain-smoking alcoholics” alumni this side of Dartmouth.

ICS: “Don’t let your children go to school with people who drive Mazdas. Parents with discriminating taste still choose ICS. Especially those who discriminate against the poor, discriminate against the ugly, discriminate against domestically made products, and generally just discriminate.”

Ethio Parents School: “We’re hip. We’re cool. And we are now known as ET Parents School.”

Teferi Mekonnen: “New budget increases have allowed complete renovation of the school! You will note the missing letters ‘t’ and ‘e’ in the word ‘Teferi’ are painted back on. Now let us renovate your kids. ”

Gonder Medical College: “Our library has a new ampool!”

St. Joseph: “We like to Educulate.”

Nazret School: “Voted ‘Best Day Spa in Addis’ three years in a row! Come for our on-campus hair salon, stay for the luxurious pampering you’ll get at our facial centre. And there are some classes and stuff also.”

Unity College: “We turn embittered AAU professors and students into valuable commodity.”

Sandford School: “An Education steeped in centuries old tradition, excellence, and we now require teachers be sober throughout every class. Also, our administrators now take Visa/Mastercard for convenient bribe payments."

Bingham Academy: “Get away from all those Ethiopians, while you are in Ethiopia.”

German School: “Don’t want your children to end up as molqaqa ICS-ers? Want them to have structure and discipline? We treat your kids like we treat anybody who is not blond-haired and blue-eyed: with discipline and just a hint of loathing. Our Time Out Room (formerly known as the Torture Chamber) now features a skylight. Our students consistently voted ‘Best Goose-steppers in District 1’. “