"Ouch!" I just hammered my pinky. There is a decorative wooden mallet on my desk, then there is my hand. It's nine o'clock in the morning and I'm already bored. I figured I could crush my finger and scream in pain; that should bring Sin (cute babe in the next cubicle) rushing in here to see what's wrong. Then I could startup a conversation and maybe I'll get the courage to ask her out!

"That was smart." It was "Curly" and "Moe", two programmers who reside at least six cubicles away. This was not going to be my day. I ignored them and turned on my computer.

Well, that's how my day began. Not getting the result I wanted from that little misadventure, I decided to start on Life Diaries. I've been begging the gods of SELEDA for months to let me participate in "Life Diaries" and finally they've graciously consented. They even sent me guidelines ("hints" was the word used) on how to write for Life Diaries. I deleted it. I can't deal with structure. Did I mention I was a programmer?

I won't mention where I work; one of the VPs is an Ethiopian, and even though she might not read SELEDA, her kids probably do. When I interviewed for this job I actually hinted I was related to her. I like to think I got the position based on my C- average from UNLV...a school named one of the "Top 10 Party Schools in America" by MTV every year for the six years I was an undergraduate there.

The workforce here is primarily Asian (Chinese and Indian mainly). White Americans make up the second smallest minority here. Project teams tend to be formed among racial lines with a free-floating Ethiopian desperately trying to avoid work by jumping from team to team.

The secret of my longevity here so far can be attributed to one thing, "chocolate". In my desperate attempt to talk to Sin, I hit upon the idea of bringing chocolates to work. It was a big hit with everyone except Sin. Now all that's expected of me is to keep a jar full of chocolate. I once substituted jawbreakers for chocolate; I got a poor performance review, got put on probation and had a sexual harassment complaint filled against me. I quickly switched back to chocolate; it never happened again.

Well, it's time for my cigarette break. Like almost everywhere else I've got to go outside to smoke. I know every other Ethiopian female claims to look down on smoking but almost every Ethiopian guy smokes. I think more Ethiopian females should start smoking. Hopefully then my social life will improve.

Off to puff,
Siraw

I'm in between lipos so this has to be quick.

I don't know why the editors selected me to be frank with you. I kept reiterating that I'm way too busy to steal time out from my multi-million dollar business to partake in something so, so... remuneration free. Still I relented (mainly because in the end the editors grudgingly agreed to give me a link to my Web Page wenip-n-tuck@plasticsRus.com).

My day begins with consultations. I get all kinds. Even Ethiopians. In LA (where you don't need cigarettes to get the same CG rating in your lungs), skin tends to sag at double the speed than in places like, say, New England - the number two reason why business here is nearly overwhelming. The number one reason is, of course, the Biz. This morning, I had a 45 minute consultation with a starlet who is sadly a hasbeen at 25. She thinks a breast augmentation would also plump up her career prospects. After viewing her talents (she carries her videos on her) I secretly thought that her money would have been better spent on acting lessons - but I'm not in the counseling business. I nip, I tuck, I fluff, I fold.

I've also helped a few fellow Ethiopians achieve their beauty ideal. Surprisingly, it is mostly men who come to me. What do they want done? You guessed it, calf implants. Some have asked about ankle augmentation. You can't imagine their frustration when I tell them that that is not yet possible. Some Ethiopian women have come to me with the opposite request, and happily for them, I have been able to help.

You sound like an interesting type. A programmer who can't deal with structure. If you think that my talents as a plastic surgeon would improve your chances with Lin, by all means, click on my Web link and drop me a private message. I'd be happy to give you a Fellow-Diarist discount.

Would love to continue this entry, but must run. My 2PM Lipo will be here soon and since I don't like to eat right before I vacuum, I've got to run to the deli downstairs and get my usual algae-seaweed-avocado shake.