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 Seven days late is no way to start the "Restoration Years" of SELEDA, but circumstances which led to this tardiness were… were… well, let’s start with dubious. We should have been a little suspicious… alas, we are starved for attention, even if it was upper management’s. In an uncharacteristically gracious but what we thought "yqr l’igzihEr" moment, they handed the staff an early Christmas present… we were all headed to Bora Bora for a two-week retreat! "While you’re there," they said without the slightest hint of malfeasance, see if you can lose the corduroys." Asabi ayasaTan. Really… it was too felicitous. But the call of the Tahitian skies was stronger than the stench of conspiracy wafting through our offices. And so, tewakben to the airport… First sign of trouble: ticket agent’s face, upon pulling our travel itinerary, changes to the one the Qebelle zebeNa used to make right before "seeing" kosso. Ya, baby, we say to ourselves… how you like us now? We: Tahiti. You: stamp tickets at JFK. Hmmm…. Hulum ekul altefeTere ingidih. Second sign of trouble: Federal agent who answers to name "Falcon" descends upon us from nowhere, asks us to remove our shoes… our coats… and "while you are at it" our pants and shirts. Mommy, why is that man aiming an Uzi at our heads? Third sign of trouble: We were damn near radiated to oblivion what with all the frequent trips Mr. Falcon and friends made us take down some X-ray machine. Up side: we can now confirm Editor #489 does have several loose metal substances in his head. Down side: we don’t think radiation in general is that good for our health. But we are no doctors. Ere hold argun! What was so scurrilous about taking advantage of the kindness of legass bosses’ offer to memolaqeq in Bora Bora? Bora Bora? Bora Bora? Oh, no, dimwits, says Ato Falcon with the frTm-est of all f’rTm looks. You are all headed, one-way, to Tora Bora. Uh- mmmm…. Well, was there a connecting flight to Bora Bora from Tora Bora… ‘coz we don’t mind layovers. What do you mean step AWAY from the desk, Gash Falcon? Well, ye Abesha yluNta honebn inna, we decided, heck, we’ll go to Tora Bora for a few days before heading to Bora Times Two. It seemed that upper management had taken so much time to plan this trip… maybe it’s one of the quixotic islands they disappear to… … … … It was, shall we say, difficult getting out of the Bora that was Tora, especially since we were finicky about getting out of there… er, alive and everything. Bottom line, we are back… and upper management was sufficiently aghast at the "terrible, terrible, horrible, horrible" mistake made by some "stooopid stooooo-freakin’ piiid" travel agent who maqawess-ed a "T" for a "B". (We are assured that said travel agent has mysteriously disappeared… wui miskeen.) Not to worry, though. To make up for the debacle, top brass has promised us a luxurious trip to an exclusive getaway called Kandy Harr. M’Ts. Qulibiew Mikahel has finally given them a shard of humanity. And, truth be told, we are mortified that for a moment there whilst being manhandled by angry Feds we… er… actually thought that foul play was at play. YeNa neger! Welcome to the Communications Issue, SELEDAwiyan! Ahhh… the first issue of a New Year! Can anything be so… hmm… we’ve been experiencing a little short term memory loss after our little trip there… perhaps something we might have inhaled… or the after effects of so much "fireworks" that seems to go off every night. (The concierge at the Tora Bora Holiday Inn said not to worry… just fireworks to celebrate … not leave our room… the memories are so… faint… but they are coming back… ooof! Upper management just came in and gave us a shot of something to "help us relax". Opsi… there goes all our memory…) Where were we? Oh, yeah… and we have started to lose our train of… train of… mindinwesimmu… train of … it’ll come to us. Ah… the Communications Issue. Welcome. Welcome to the Communi… hold argun… we’ve got to take the 22 pills prescribed to us to aid us in… "Just to help you. Just take them!" 22? Was it 22 pills or 29? Damn, damn, damn. But first, let’s welcome you to the Communications Issue. Welcome. We shan’t be parsimonious, as they say in downtown Tora Bora, in thanking this month’s contributors for helping us eek out yet another issue. It demonstrated to us that communication is possible without the aid of obscenities and death threats… which we find… refreshing. We remain humbled by the kindness of SELEDA contributors, without whom we would be exposed for what we are… verbose, superficial yahoos… with severe foot fetishes and… Anyway, before we go rambling off… let’s take a moment to welcome you to the Communication Issue. Welcome. Welcome to the Communications Issue. What’s new at SELEDA? Oh, plenty, but damned if we can remember any one of it. What we do remember is to make a call to our readers (all two of you) in Ethiopia to meTeqom writers to us. The search for a permanent SELEDA correspondent from Ethiopia is so on. So, allllllow… hager bEt…. Y’semal??? We pay well… hahahaahah… ehem… We urge those of you who know writers or who are writers to contact us as soon as possible. We have SELEDA stock somewhere… oh, this just in… we don’t got no more SELEDA stock, according to upper management. And by "we" they don’t mean themselves.
Second order of business… is… welcome to the Communications Issue. (We’ll compromise and take 27 pills.) Ok.. let’s wrap this up… fifth order of business…. We.. hmm… Remonstrative (again, a word we picked up in midtown Tora Bora along with "Death to the Imperialist Pigs!") as it might end up being, February is the Sex Issue. Ok… so, who can pontificate about Wube Bereha? Who can scribe about the history of sex in our society… (Historical Sex??? Iwnetim tamenal!)… Who is willing to describe the sexual tension between the genders here and at home? Is sex power? Is sex spiritual? And all y’all who lost your virginity at Lycee gwaro to someone whose name ended in the suffix "ech"... Aselefech, Beqelech, Teweledech, WeTach-Weredech... for 50 cents, speak up! (Is it true that St. Joe students got a 10 cents discount? The.. frequent, er, comers program, perhaps?) Who will write about to what extent we go to have/avoid sex? Are sex and love gorebEts or Telatoch? Hmmm… this reminds us of ye’nat hager T’rri… who will defend inat SELEDA? Who? Who? Who? Contributions are welcome and should be in our grubby little hands by January 20… note new deadline. Make way… make way for new news. Imahoy and Haji will be back for the Sex Issue! Are you sexlorn? Pornlorn? Or just lorn in general? Do you need insight and advice? Do you have questions on issues of the flesh? Well, they are SELEDA’s sexperts… or perverts, depending on who is doing the interpreting, and are standing by to answer your questions. Please send in your inquires to editors@seleda.com. No cussing allowed, dammit! Hmmm… the 27th pill is wreaking havoc on our lucidity which was already .. er… transient, shall we say? Sharpen your pens and wile in your muse, because March is the Depression and Ecstasy Issue and, really, for once we hope there will be more ecstasy talk and less depressive talk… although… a l’il birdie tells us that all SELEDA Staffers who have been slighted by upper management… how many are there now… one, two, three, four.. twenty-nine.. seventy-eight… hmmm…. they duplicate before our very eyes.. might use the March issue as an erorro soundboard, so… it might just end up being the Depression Issue…. Help us! Save us! Intervene, oh ye Seledamas, you shiny happy people with pure thoughts and... Naah! A SELEDA reader means an unhappy reader. Still, we hope we hear from all of you whose halo shines brighter than the qeTir sun. Oh… and have we got a super duper April Issue… which just happens to be our third anniversary issue! Yes, we have proclaimed April to be the Ethiopia Issue. Yes… a whole issue on the motherland! How do you like them apples? How we love her… what makes us crave her… how we’ve let her down and been let down by her... how no respectable Ethiopian says "how do you like them apples". Ok, Ok… the content has not been crystallized yet… but, the Ethiopia Issue it is. Get ready to wow and be wowed… Ere hold’idun… ere iniholaded… did we even welcome you to the Communications Issue??? Melakm Genna, SELEDAwiyan, and may the 2002 bring us all peace, love and…. And… and intn. Kandy Harr.. here we come. We’ll send you postcards, you send us your thoughts about this issue… deal? The Humble Editors editors@seleda.com
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