SELEDA Interviews the Chairman of the newly organized, Beautiful Ethiopians Selebrating Moneyed Ethiopians And the Bourgeoisie, (BESMEAB) Inc.

SELEDA:Do you know you’ve misspelled “Celebrating” in your acronym?

BESMEAB: No, we haven’t. We paid off Webster and he is revising the spelling for us.

S: How did you…?

B: What is Akronim?

S: Mmm. What is BESMEAB and what are its goals?

B: Very simple. We are people who have money and think that we should have more money. Money is happiness and happiness is more money. And we like spreading both money and happiness.

B: That doesn’t seem like much of a goal.

S: Yes, it is, little magazine person. Having money is a goal. A big, expensive goal.  

S:  Isn’t that a tad crass?

B: No, we don’t go to class.

S: I said crass. C-r-a-s-s.

B: Eh.

S: Speaking of class, your critics say that you are setting a bad example by putting the pursuit of money above education, thereby steering young people away from…

B: Education schmeducation. My uncle has three advanced degrees in … education. Where is he now? Not at the Sheraton partying like it’s 1999, that’s where not!

S: Huh?

B: The “educated” people had a chance to lead the country. Now it’s our turn.

S: But how do you intend to “lead” without a sound philosophical base?

B: We’ll buy one or two philosophical bases.

S: You can’t do that!

B: You wanna bet? We once bought three “ideological bases” just because we could. They are rotting in our basements.

S: Do you believe that everything can be bought?

B: Oh yeah.

S: Come on. You think human decency can be bought?

B: I have three myself. Paid top price for them at eBay.

S: Moving on…you are often dismissed by some people as being “classless, vulgar and  ostentatious” people who have no moral compass.

B: Thank you. Tell them thank you.

S: People also say that you are selfish and purposeless.

B: Oh, please. The last person who call us those…things is now an over-paid butler at one of our hotels. That’s what we love about our critics. They don’t cost very much.

S: Do you think of charitable endeavors once in a while?

B: Sometimes. Sometimes we think about charity more than once in a while.

S: Do you support charitable endeavors?

B: Sure. We’ve thrown them wonderful weddings.

S: What?

B: What’s more important than giving someone a great wedding? Food, drink, “I do” “I do”…we make people happy. When they are happy we are happy.

S: Do you feel any discomfort that there are people living in shacks right by your villas and starving to death while you eat and drink lavishly?

B: What do you mean “right by”? How the hell did they get past the one-mile electronic gate? You can’t buy good help these days. There! Put that in your little magazine, writer person. You can’t buy good help these days!

S: Isn’t the wealth discrepancy in Ethiopia eventually going to create a crisis?

B: Not if everyone has one great wedding. Think about it. Would you ever rise up against someone who threw a bash for you?

S: I don’t think…

B: No, you wouldn’t, because it would be rude.

S: Rude?

B: Yes, rude. Bilgina.

S: Aha. What has been the heaviest challenge you have faced so far? 

B: The 24-carat gold neTela we had custom made is very heavy to wear. It’s hell on our shoulders. But we love the traditions of this country.

S: I meant with BESMEAB. Are there challenges you face in establishing yourself as a legitimate party?

B: Have you been to one of our parties?

S: No, I am afraid not.

B: You can be my guest at the next party.

S: I don’t…

B: How much do you make?

S: I beg your pardon?

B: Don’t beg. It makes me sad. How much do you make?

S: I…

B: Whatever it is, I will double it.

S: To do what?

B: To hang out with me in Belize. BESMEAB is buying some of their sand to bring to Langano. The sand at Langano? Have you been there? Awful! Hideous! Un-walkable!

S: This is creepy.

B: What is?

S: This. It is almost surreal.

B: Reality is overrated.

S: Let me guess. You have bought reality.

B: I have several, I must admit.

S: Are you the new class of Ethiopians? 

B: Sure, if that means we get more tax shelters. Do we get more tax shelters? I will pay you for that answer.

S: Do you think this is good for the country?

B: What the country needs is a new pool, I’ll tell you what.

S: I would like to end this interview.

B: Sure. Time is money and I have lots of both. What magazine did you say you are from, little magazine person?

S: Seleda.

B: Hmmm. That name has a certain ring to it. We’ll take it! You take cash?

S: No!!! Er…how…much cash?