10. Every time your chauffeur reminds you that he owns neither a TV nor a phone, you praise his discipline and minimalist sense of materialism, and ask him, "Not even a cell phone?"

9. You think the "underclass" are the people who graduated after you at Harvard.

8. You're distressed that the "grunge look" is still in in Addis.

7. You swear by "General Daddy" that the emigration office in Addis offers free door-to-door delivery of passports.

6. You give soft money to CEUAILToDPWP (Concerned Ethiopians United for the Abolition of InCHet LeQamii's Trespassing on Decent People's wooded Properties).

5. You thought senility was why your great uncle from geTer fell off the toilet bowl in your baNo bEt.

4. You can't figure out why the tiny CHiQa-and-CHid-plastered summer cabins in your sefer appear to be occupied all year round.

3. You're proud to have friends that have friends that have friends that went to pulic school.

2. You're convinced that the neighborhood bum who wouldn't tell you the brand name and size of his berebasso CHamma is one secretive bastard!

1. You think "ye medeb tigil" refers to some form of traditional foreplay.