From:        RomaneWorQ
To:            Melak?
Subject:    Yannen Gara AQuarTeh Yalehew Lij

Wey Yenaineh!

Tinfash aTereN…... zimm re zimm…… --- parfait, parfait bilewal ferencay …that was parfait, beyond parfait…. I read ur email several times; and endetelemedew, I am at a loss for words. What is the word I am looking for…. poetic …justice . You had me on the second paragraph…..I think u would be a better candidate for the Hallmark job I was considering.

Editors: Etalemin ebackChihu temaSenuwat….

yene geta, I take back every word I said on my previous entry---aynen ginabar y'argew --you, perky!? no…siyalfem aynekakah…but I have a strong suspicion that u might be related to that afe-CHolaTa, smooth talker, heart murmurer, gold medallist of mine. Some of the symptoms are similar... or is it universal for the male gender? How is it that u find it so easy to be in the bosom of another, and why is that u keep on resurfacing every time we think it is over…why do you prolong the misery? Why is it when it really matters - CHileT bilcachihu yemitTefut and then come back to create more commotion? and why in the world do I keep on reading ur email and feel like u still deserve another chance………?

Talking about Haile Gerima, I have had the pleasure of seeing him in person twice. He came to the University when I was a junior during the premiere of Sankofa. I did not get to speak to him much for I was too preoccupied with life. My second encounter with him was two yrs back when he was the guest speaker at the ASA at my cousin's college. I got the pleasure of seeing the unedited version of 'Adwa', and even gave some feedback. I found Haile Gerima to be a very charismatic and well informed person. At the end of his speech/preview, the audience was smitten. He is an inspiration to all of us.

**** The perky intern is getting perkkkkkkkkier at this moment. How is it with the Americans that they go waw and wowow for eternity over a flower, more like a shrub, they get from God knows who***************?

I agree with you that the older generation has withdrawn itself from being part of anything. Most people, including my own family, have become very bitter, skeptical of the whole of Ethiopia and its future. I don't want to be naïve and say that they have no grounds for all their cynicism. They have seen evil in its highest form. They have been to hell and come back, so it is almost impossible for us to expect them to be very enthusiastic about the future of Ethiopia like our generation.

EtioPiaweennet for each of us has a different meaning; it all depends on how good/bad our experiences were when we left the country. If you seat a daughter, a mother, her younger brother, a grandmother together, they all paint a very different Ethiopia based solely on their lil experience. I know it is our collective view and experiences that makes Ethiopia, but to ask -----a grandmother, who has seen five governments( Talian, Engleez, Haile Selassie, Mengistu and the current government), lost children (some to Qey shibbir and the rest to Sidet in America), and a mother who has buried her husband before their fifth anniversary and fled the country with no earthly possessions with her four kids behind, and a younger brother who has spent his werQamma gizay in Kerchele, and a typical kid from our generation, one with minimal exposure and who is still so much infatuated with Ethiopia--- to share the same magnitude of passion for Ethiopia or the community at large is a crime.

Initially, I was really disturbed by the indifference of the community and tried to distance myself. Then I realized that distancing is the sure way of becoming lukewarm. I believe that we all have to change, and the first change has to start from myself. We have to learn to embrace, tolerate, and support each other regardless of our differences and our past experiences. We can't let our past blur our future but through time, sincere effort, and lots of prayer, I believe that we still can be the 'yenege firewoChwa' we were predicted to be (instead of the werrobella ishoh).

A co-worker of mine is so distraught that I had to go and check on her. Apparently, her dog is very sick -- skin cancer, she said -- y'agere sew besh'itaw saytaweQilet yimotal, yeferenje wesha demo..., I told her everything was going to be fine and even told her that I'll remember it in my prayers. TSelot meQeleja… and she actually thanked me. She must be dreamin'! Fetariwun, sint angebgabi chigir iyale, clogging his precious time, for a dog. I still cannot believe how much value a dog is given in this country. I heard the amount of money people spend on their pets is equivalent to Africa's entire yearly budget.

Talking about TSelot…... of all the shocks in my entire life nothing can surpass the one I experienced at church. I don't know if you go to church or if you even can relate to this. Let me share my spiritual adventure with you. I never grew up in a traditional Orthodox church like most people did. In fact, I don't even remember attending an Orthodox church until I came here; and I take serious offense when some Ets tell me that being an Orthodox is what makes a person a true Et.

During my earlier yrs, in the midst of all the confusion and shock, I decided to join the local First Baptist Church. I always found solace in God so I figured why not……on my first visit, I was about to give the youth pastoryeQaria Tiffi when I heard him say "Jesus is a cool dude." Medhaniayalem'n yeQolo GuadeNaw aregew enday?! I was expecting him to turn into a 'salt pillar' but I guess Medhaniyalem is not the punitive God we make him out to be. There was the Friday night Singles' Ministry: sort of a hook up service--a church acting as a catalyst in the Tebessa Department (Patriacu alsemu…), but not a bad idea. Sunday services were more interactive than the norm: phrases like "Preach it, Brother" and "Amen to that!" were frequently thrown at the pastor. Egzio mahrenne eyalkuN….salle… people would get up to testify what God has done for them lately. I am used to "lijay limot derso, besent TSelot dane" or "bale ke-arat amet kerchele behuwala, yimesgenew, teffeta" kind of misgana.

NOOOO, there, sister Kinisha would get up and say how God has restored her marriage after her extramarital problem, then brother Thomas will stand up and testify that he had been struggling with immoral thoughts and that he actually has engaged in the act once (with another guy)…. ere guday fella….yeAmericaw medhaniyalem leyet yale new meseleN?!… and of course, at the end, people would get up to give their prayer requests. That was tarikawi…. besides the cat and the dog that are getting the chemo, there were requests like "I want to meet my soul mate", "Pastor Smith needs a new Caddy" and "We want to buy a vacation house" and "My boyfriend dumped me." (that could have been me trying to fit in) and the like…what can I say, I guess we define our problems as we see them. Yenen chigir bisemuma………….

Moving on to a different subject, I know about the stress of looking for a job. it ain't fun at all but u still have a year to go and I am sure with an Ivy League education, biTefa biTefa enkuwan, u will take up that 6 figure job offer at Goldman-Sachs that u have been holding off. I have a feeling that u want to save the world instead. Several people from my office are Ivy Leaguers. If there is a job opening, they prefer one of their own and often frown at other schools. What do they teach you out there, lijay? Besew moral lay meremamed!!!!! There is this particular one from Yale who makes me feel like (for lack of a better word), 'a crawling insect'. I am sure u are not like that…maybe I would have been like that, and that probably was the reason why my luck did not take me that way….. hod siyaQ doro matta…. i still have a hard time accepting that I was dealt with the gray feathers while you, Melak?iye, were given the colorful wings…

Do you plan to work in the US or are you going to do the overseas thing? I can see you were adventurous enough to go to West Africa and Belgium. How do you do it? Did you have fun there? My college department had an exchange program in Japan; my thermodynamics professor, for some bizarre reason (Nguyen and Ghandi were kicking my butt in thermo--maybe he did not want me in his class), recommended me to go for a semester. I gave him a big "Hell, no!" and reminded him that I was already an exchange student in the US.

I have traveled to Europe and Mexico on different school breaks but going there for an extended period of time was out of the question. My adventure glands were stripped and beaten to death during my first two yrs here, and have yet to be revived. Change has been part of my life. I never had the luxury of having the normal eighteen yrs of same house, same gorebets and extended families that most of u take for granted. Even though change is inevitable, I want to minimize it in my life and so far have done a poor job. There I go lamenting again….why is that ????????

The office is very quiet; most of the people are out on their annual leave so I am with the boss trying to finalize a monograph that I will put up on the website. He is picky and I am driving him cuckoo…we are fighting over which word to change, what font to use, and some pointless detail that I don't even care about. he is picking and picking…min arekut, lejay?, I have a LD to finish and he is not cooperating……..the detail-oriented person that I am not is getting in the way of the quality of the publication. for me green is green. BeQa………abessa …mindinew demo lime green billo QuwanQuwa, for chrissake……..

beterfe, today has been a hectic day. Let me remind u once again that I was yemengist temari, and my writing is a clear indication of that. Forgive any major faux pas and, last but not least, please don't blow me away like that again. my heart is still faint from ur last email ……

sileyih behazen,

PS. Even though Connecticut Avenue is way out of my way to pay my respect at Xando, thanks to our Seledawit friend, I have logged into www.yeminleQso.com to send you my Qidus Gebriel beshilmetu yawtah card ……in the … 'unbreak ur heart, uncry ur tears" kind of way.

From:        Melak?
To:            RomaneworQ
Subject:    Dream on...

Roman-nesh:

Ere min bewetash yene Ihit! aynish ayin ginbarish ginbar hono yiker … as for another chance, maybe some things are just not meant to be. I will settle for the memories … by the way, thank you for the card. Idiot moi of course went ahead and clicked on the link thinking it was a real link. Could someone please clink clink on my head to see if there is anything … I wasn't sure if you were one of those web wizards who can put up web pages in a matter of minutes for the fun of it … BUT, my utmost gratitude goes for de-Perk-itizing me … leT biye iJJ nesichalehu

As for the zimdina with your afeCHolaTa, ibakish yiQribign … however, if it is going to get me a gold medal, then, hey, hmmmm … on a serious note though, had you asked me for the things I constantly strive for as an enduring personal quality, I would say one of them is to be who I am whoever I am with (if I change, let it be for better and not to mislead), and not to intentionally abuse the feelings and emotions of others. May God help me … if I have already done so - after all, joro leBalebetu bada new - may He forgive me.

You know, unfortunately, I don't go to church that much … I am a strong believer in God. A truly strong believer. I constantly seek His council and guidance. Yet, it would be hypocritical of me if I were to say I know the Bible because I honestly don't. I, along with my brother, are the only ones in the family who don't know it, and for reasons unrelated …. When it comes to me, it was not for any lack of effort on the part of my parents or because I was being a rejectionist … the only good reason I can think of is that when I was a kid, I never took my Bible lessons, at school or at church on Sundays, seriously.

Yet, one of my most precious possessions today, which I have had with me for the last eight years, is a Bible that was given to me by my mother when I left home. It has crossed oceans and continents with me. I may not know all the words written in it, but knowing I have it with me puts me at peace … Growing up, interest in religion was shoved to the back of my mind. Yet, I was always attracted to the rhythms and songs and drums and paintings of the Ethiopian Orthodox church, and I always enjoyed the times I went to the church five minutes away from our gate

… let me tell you of a somewhat different religious experience, though. The West African nation where I spent a good deal of last year is probably more Christian today than when the missionaries who brought Christianity there hundreds of years ago. Come Sunday, everyone QiQ bilo lebso beteKirstian new … the church service, teyw, Qelal Chiferra indaymeslish … it can be jammin. Soulful religious jams - full band, singer, background vocalists, and people out of their seats with handkerchiefs swingin above their heads, sweatin and JAMMIN … at the company I worked for, staff meetings began with a prayer and closed with a prayer.

Sometimes in the evening, I would be driving home and I would pass the open field that was being used as a soccer field during the day, now with huge 'stadium' flood lights illuminating thousands and thousands of people surrounding a stage with enormous speakers mounted at the corners, with a preacher preaching the night away. I kid you not when I say this is happening at 1 am in the morning … on Sundays during the day, two of the TV channels only broadcast church services … if some type of statistics were to be taken, I wouldn't be surprised if one out of every three cars and one out of every two taxis had a 'Jesus … ' sticker...the country is religion

… and if you were to drive an hour and a half to the west of the country, you will come upon two of the most beautiful white stone washed castles you have ever seen, built on the edge of the Ocean. Absolutely breathtaking … And within its walls: the brutality of humans, the cry of a woman being raped caught in time, the ghost of the almot bay tegaday arbeNa who died in solitary confinement, drowned in his own pool of excrement and urine, with rats nibbling at his bloodied feet from marching for forty days from the hinterland, the wailing of a new born being separated from a young mother, who won't live for too long because she has bled too much anyway, whispers of shackles … light up your flashlight on the walls of the dungeon, and you see the scratch marks of history … you walk out of the dungeon, and there it is, the 'door of no return' … the slave castles of Cape Coast and Elmina …

… and in front of the castle at Cape Coast is yet another beautiful building, a church!! I wonder, did the bells drown out the screams and wailing? … surely, if the priest then had heard the whispers, seen the ghosts, would he have been preaching the words of God to the 'lords of the castle' … is their God my God? Your God? was Skip Gates right? Is that why we African are cursed (emphasis: Ethiopia very much included)… because we sold our own children into slavery? My God is the God of the Bible, even if I don't know all that is written in it. The one my parents thought me to believe in, the one I feel at heart … theirs, I don't even want to know.

no, don't think I hate churches or religion … but I will always be conscious of the fact that in the name of religion, souls have been robbed, spirits defiled, history deformed, lives disrupted, cultures interrupted …

ok, I think I have gotten carried away … let me change the subject. I am sure this was not what you expected when you asked me if I go to church or if I could relate to you in your spiritual adventures … (by the way, that's not where afeCHolaTen yeTebeshiw?)

as for the job issue, let me say, Ms. Environmental Health Advocate, my ambition does not stretch as far as to saving the world alone. But with the right team, why not …. And if I have indeed been given colorful wings, then may those wings fly me in the right direction I finally choose to take. In the same breath, let me thank them for all the places they have taken me to in the past … and why do I think you are color blind, that your feathers are not really gray as you maintain they are?

by the way, you are absolutely right when you say "EtioPiayweennet for each of us has a different meaning" … and how well you articulated what it can mean to so many … you know, I sometimes do wonder if I am like that kid from our generation in your example, the one who is just infatuated with his country. I would like to think that I have an exposure that is, for someone my age who has been away for a number of years, sufficient enough not to cloud my reasoning with infatuation. But I guess at the end of the day exposure and experiences are all relative. Ask me in ten years, that's the rough deadline I have given myself for moving back …

our experiences do shape us, and wanting to go back in the future or to live out one's life in one's place of birth or to remain outside and away from there is, indeed, to a very large extent a result of that … to hate to love to desire is a result of that … I run into Ethiopian refugees in Malawi and Zambia (our age, in their twenties), and their stories could be made into a book … I was told of Ethiopian refugees in Mozambique and Angola, two countries you would not think refugees go to … I have family members who traversed the deserts of Sudan … in Ghana, the Ethiopian embassy folks were telling me of a guy who was exiled to Libya for a number of years, and hitchhiked! down to Ghana to run away from Libya … South Africa, Senegal … ay sidet, ay ager …

I am a dreamer … I want to dream we will see a country that will stretch her hands to all those she forced out for reasons plenty … that she will give us all our own little space to make our own little contributions, to imprint our own little marks, to write our own little history, and most important of all, to live out our lives

Dream with me

Melak?

On to Entry Four