To: HG
From: Sam
Subject: The Politics of Fat Guys Needing Love

Dear HG:

I must say that you have a valid and well-thought point on the "misTr" issue. I will come back to that later on, however.

A couple of side issues first. Just got the word from our friends at Seleda. Yes, "tinish poletika maninim algedelem," was what I was told. But they had a condition; they said it has to be "sexual poletika". I say, even for Seleda, the symbol of ET irreverence, I think that will raise the bar further. At any rate, I was almost on the verge of calling on ye-diha abat - Professor Mesfin -- le-gil'gil ina le-abEtuta. But all is cool now.

I noticed you struggled in the addressing ritual between the "-iye", "-icho" and then "-ness". First, I saw some bravery from your side (if only you stopped at "-iye") and then a sudden retreat (the phrase "any that I've missed" - gave you away). And all this happened in one short sentence. Mnew, yenE-qonjo, des balesh sim b'tTeriN/bitaQolamiCHiN? Be-sim yetenesa yeman tidar fersual bilesh new? Reminds me of one of Melkamu Tebeje's songs....but that is another story...

Well, I read your narration about the bonds established at elementary school with a lot of interest. Frankly, when I visited home some time ago, one of the places that I longed to visit first was my elementary school and its neighborhood. I went to the area (Cathedral School), alright; not by plan but by coincidence. It turned out to be the highlight of my pilgrimage, though. All my senses could experience the sights, sounds, smells and the touch of this neighborhood in much the same way as I had done many years ago.

This guy we had gone to see at his workshop near SomalE-tera to fix an old broken pool table invited us for coffee, and we sat down for an hour or so, enjoying the sounds and chaos of SomalE-tera. Along with talk of his plans to build a house for himself, his wife and two kids, how business is faring and why Somali-tera looks very different now that our Eritrean cousins living there have been deported (BTW, the deportation is sad and one could sense the loss to all parties), I felt that home is where your elementary school is. Was CHat served as I was reminiscing with my newly found friend? Are you kidding me?! This is SomalE-tera. They get the best stuff, and hospitality is considered incomplete without offering some.

You wrote that misTr is a serious business in ET ("...what don't we hide?" was actually what you said). I can see your point, particularly when it comes to serious and terminal illnesses. I hate the topic because it is too serious, but I couldn't agree with you more. However, I submit that misTr is the only way of coping with difficult situations like this. How many Ethiopians do we know who will go around telling people that the quiet and withdrawn cousin is "Qews" or "biCHu" and that it is hereditary? You will have to forgive me on this, but I find Americans too weird when it comes to this.

Going further along this topic, however, the story of the modern disease -- HIV/AIDS - that is wiping out a huge number of our people (did they say 1.7 million by the end of the year?) supports what you said about misTr. All is hush-hush when it comes to HIV, and many ETs can narrate stories of relatives and friends who endured the wasting effects of this plague even as they told other people that the victim is perhaps suffering from Meningitis, TB, what have you...

Driven by guilt, sense of respect for the victims, the need to remember, etc., etc., I had started writing a short story entitled something like "Guilt and Three Losses" sometime ago. Never finished even a page. You need extreme courage and nerves of steel (and lots of time on your hands) to deal with issues like this, I thought to myself. Now will misTr offer a refuge to many relatives? Perhaps, yes. Is it dangerous? Yes, of course. The secrecy about this thing may have accounted for most of its spread.

Well, HG, looking at what you wrote, we seem to have agreed on the issue of yluNta. Too much agreement is bad, as you know, and I am kind of disappointed. I know the Seleda folks have said they don't have eternity on their side and can't tolerate more than 2-3 entries (am I making that up? maybe...but it is not intentional.....I get too many e-mails...it is confusing, sister!)

So, I thought of a few issues where I want to push the envelope and see how the issues of misTr and yluNta fare with their close relatives ye-"adebabai misTr", "igziabher'n yalemefrat" and "agul lmdoch" among Ethiopians these days. This makes me sound like a religious person, right? Yeah, I miss my PenTE days....They were simpler.

Issue 1) Ye-DV MisTr (weys ye-adebabay mistir?). Think of this expatriate ET guy who quits his UN job in Kenya just because his wife had applied for the DV visa, moves his entire family and elderly mother to the US, and starts life all over again. Where do you think he will be employed first? The poor guy.....he will regret this decision for the rest of his life. A 45-year-old civil servant Ethiopian lady who quits her job in Addis and moves in with a relative in Seminary Towers in Alexandria is in the same boat. Why is it that people living here in the US keep it a misTr that life over here is more often than we think more difficult than back in Ethiopia? I suggest that someone starts running an NGO in Addis that gives a one-day course on "Myth and MisTr of the American Dream".

Issue 2) ET men going back home and insisting that the girl they want to marry from there have an AIDS test - I think it is disgusting and "igzihern yalemefrat". These guys should take the test themselves first. My parents who run a clinic in Addis that tests for AIDS, among other things, would like my argument. That would mean doubling our family income if these men take the test, too... at 350 Birr a pop. Hey, that is not bad business and it's a business with social-conscience, too!

Issue 3) ET women in Ethiopia who marry all these balding and ugly (but loaded) 40+ ET returnee men and dump them in a year - I object to that. Among other things, igzihern yalemefrat, yluNta-bis'inet, agul lmd come to my mind as the causes of this act of our recently arrived ET sisters. I have seen too many devastated ugly, fat, balding brothers of mine (older, please note here)...So many, sister, that I ache every time I see them.

I could go on...but, you get my idea (at least I hope)...blame the CHat if it sounds weird. It is not easy to get the good stuff these days...especially when even Ambo, Kombolcha and Dessie are growing the stuff.

The CHat coupon is missing. I am still looking for it.........BTW, only two ET stores honor it in the East and one here in the West. Names withheld for obvious reasons.

Yanchiw,

SK

To: Sam
From: HG
Subject: Returnees and Dumpees

Hi Samicho (having bravely chosen that ever-so-safe option),

I loved your comments about revisiting your old Cathedral haunting grounds...taking it from my rather superficial reminiscence about childhood friends, to the plight of the poor man in Somali-tera just trying to take care of his own, and even, dare I venture mildly into the realm of the much maligned poletika, by referring to the lamentable absence of our Eritrean cousins...anyway, I liked that passage.

Gotta laugh, though, at the comments about the oh-so-rich "returnees," AKA "my parking lot or yours," who get so easily dumped by their nubile homeland conquests once they bring them back to the land of wetet ena mar. I say, what did their ageing, overfed, underhaired, GQ-challenged selves expect? They wouldna got NONE of that action without their little green friend$$ anyway, so they should be happy that they got a full year prior to the inevitable dumpage...and that's not even counting the happy month or two spent in Addis shopping for the eventual mate. I do not feel sorry for them one bit. (errr, ahem, that wasn't at all obvious yet, was it? I hate how subtle I get...)...anyway, Samicho my dear, I know that you were just joking, but the more serious question of whether they should get the women tested for AIDS...well, I think that it isn't all bad, actually. I pretty much think everyone should be tested, and not just to enrich your parent's coffers so that ye-Ababiye marchedees will be happily parked in the driveway awaiting your next visit. And lifestyles in ET being what they are.... but of course your question was more whether the men should get tested themselves first.

At the risk of sounding very un-feminista, I think that the risk for people living in Ethiopia is higher, just prevalence and all...and even though the returnees are, um, how do I say this, umm...'active' while visiting, (and, if my faded DC memories serve me correctly, even while at home), I think that they are more likely to have taken precautions, and with higher quality protective, umm, equipment. Besides, in practical terms, don't people applying for entry to the US have to get tested anyway? Maybe your parents' clinic should just charge 700 birr and advertise buy one, get one free....now THERE'S a business with a social conscience!

Another bid-ness with a conscience--the NGO to deal with unrealistic expectations of life in the US... I struggle with the issue of how to advertise life in the US...yes, it is tough, but yes, we've all been here for a god-awful long time, without real thoughts of returning home (just a theoretical consideration for some of us, having lived in the US for 2/3 of my life and Ethiopia for only 1/4...hey those numbers don't add up...but that's a discussion for another day, along with that of how I could be 24 years old and have gone to school for the last 26 years...I digress).

It's tough to dissuade someone from coming here, or at least from thinking that living here is better that living in Ethiopia. I don't think that the difficulty of life in the US is kept a misTir by most people who have lived here for any length of time. I have myself looked at the unbelieving faces of my cousins when I tell them how tough life can be in the US and how good they have it in Addis in some ways-- we're discussing this, of course, over a two hour lunch in the middle of their workday, after having come back from the weekend at SoderE, Langano, or just hanging out in town.

Of course, there's no denying that life is very tough in Addis, not just for the obvious deha and CHiqun, but even for those who seem to be doing okay. We see only a small slice of life when we visit, and are comfortable in our exit route-and no matter how much we talk to them about life being tough; they just look at the fact that we still come back to the US. They can't understand, without living it, the stress of living here, the fact that almost every minute is tied up in some silly task...cooking, cleaning, getting the car checked...whatever. Sure, you make money, but as for saving... The racism, isolation, etc....actually, the absolute lack of yluNta, if you really want to get down to it (now how's that for a segue, my sweet Sam?). I don't know what you would put in your NGO course to convince people...maybe: DMV 101, Apartment hunting while black 452, what to do when stopped by the cop when driving your car with your ferenj girlfriend 332, etc. Any thoughts?

Anyway, back to the grindstone for me....looking forward to your next mail-I'm not sure that I'll have the strength to respond to it without the proper, ehh, stimulation, and you KNOW what I mean...don't worry, I'll find the stores that accept coupons.

HG

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