Transcripts from a session between various members of SELEDA's upper management and their group therapist…

Upper Management #6: I had a dream last night.

Therapist: So did I!

#6: I dreamt that I cashed in my SELEDA stocks and bought Atse Fasilidus' castle in Gonder… but then the cable guys came in and they were going to charge me a bizillion Brr to wire it for high-speed connection. Then I realized that the lighting in the good king's ilfN did nothing to flatter my imitation 18th century bedroom suit from Pottery Barn. Do you think I am going crazy?

T: Most definitely. Whoever still buys Pottery Barn crap is beyond help.

#6: I know! But what does it all mean that I want to transform an historical Ethiopian building into my personal playroom?

T: It means you were not held enough as a child.

#6: I knew it! I keep telling mom that but she keeps saying "Weigd! Demmo lij ke hulet wer huwala y'taqefal tebale? QebeT!" And then I asked dad why I don't have any memories of him holding me and all he says is, "Mn? Mn? … Mn? Gud new eko!" I told him about my Gonder dream and all he did was turn to mom and say… "Ayesh lijochish yet indederesulish?"

Upper Management #3: I, too, have childhood issues. I've never seen my parents hold hands or kiss or show affection. I asked them why that was and they said I was being a "menaTi ferenj", which I don't think is a compliment. Is it a compliment?

T: What's your favorite color?

#3: It used to be baby blue- the color of the sky in the early hours of a Bahr Dar morning. … Now it's sage… the sage of ripened rosemary on a billowy evening in Dessie.

T: You are so a menaTi ferenj.

#3: Cool. But what does it mean that I've never seen my parents be affectionate.

T: It means that they are good Ethiopian parents. Keep your emotions to yourself and save it for when there is a leqso. That way you can let out all your pent up issues in one go.

#3: Isn't it unseemly to take advantage of someone else's leqso to work out my personal issues?

T: Good lord, man! We are Ethiopian, ferpetessake! We invented S&E… Suppress and Explode. Are you new here?

#3: Oh… of course… suppress and explode… suppress and explode… suppress and… ex-plode I knew that… I think.

Upper Management #8: Well, I've S&E'ed for a long time. Great system. In fact, I have several leqsos so if any of you are dry, I'd be happy to let you tag along. But here's the problem I have with S&E: its outdated look. It needs updating. I mean, nothing wrong with the stoic-stare-slow-nod, followed by the slow-exhalation-of-air-and-a-barely-audible-yet-notable-m'Ts".. but can't we spruce it up a little? I mean, new century and all.

T: Tell me, #8… What is it about you that is rebelling against 3000 years of history? Who hurt you this bad?

#8: I…I think it stems back to when we moved from BolE to Kassanjis. In a lot of ways, it was childhood interrupted… a story of being ruthlessly transplanted and infliction of trauma… I still suffer the scabs… (sniff!)

T: OK, stifle #8! Stifle! Let's get rid of that at the next leqso, why don't we.

Upper management #4: I hear you, #8. I, too, was plucked from the bosoms of my mother and unceremoniously dropped into a raging sea of humiliation. I speak, of course, of those zemecha days where I lived, for three unspeakable months, with people who went to public school. I mean, people who didn't have dinner jackets…I.. give me a minute. The pain is still…

#8: We're with you, #4. Let it go…

#4: It's just that I felt abandoned by the ones I trusted and loved. My shell of security shattered into a million pieces… I am still picking them up.

T: How did that make you feel?

#4: Like I did not want to live in a world that makes me live in a tent that is not pitched in SoderE. It's where I became an expert S&E-er… It was especially hard since the government had banned leqso, so, there I was, a sprout of a child and nowhere to vent. Lucky I discovered SIUS-Self Isolation and Ultimate Secrecy. I was so secretive even to myself that one day I forgot my name. I had to call home to find out. My mother started crying when I asked her to remind me my name. Poor thing. She could use a little SIUS Therapy… bares her soul to non-inanimate objects. One day I heard her reveal that she likes sleeping with the window open.

T: And how does it make you feel that your mother is so needy of attention that she reveals so much of herself to … did she tell that to a person or to the large rock outside Mariam?

#4: Ere to a real, live person! I had to give her (secretly, of course) the "Ere sew mn ylal?" look… the one where you put your hands to your mouth and stare at the subject. Then I gave her the customary "meTnE" gesture-you know, the one where you put both hands up like you are "raising the roof" in rapid succession… If it were up to mother all our family secrets would be heralded from atop Zquwala.

T: Family secrets are to be cherished and held close…perpetuated and adored. They are like very expensive perfume… to be brought out only at the most special of occasions-to make a potent point or to show someone off, and even then in very tiny doses. Alebelezia… inde Derg Jeep gliT'lT… that's no good. That's so quintessentially new'ir!

Upper management #1: I guess I have been relatively lucky. My parents were very thoughtful and considerate in not telling me anything. They were so kind that I did not even know they were divorced until my father's second wife had a baby. And if it were not for #4's mother who blabbed it out to me because dad's new wife just happened to be her sister, I would still have been nice and sheltered.

T: Your parents are the sustainers of our rapidly dying tradition. They are the Lalibella rocks from which we should hew our souls. You need to come to my AAEE class.

#1: Your what?

T: Advanced Ayto Endalalye for Ethiopians-AAEE. It explores the mysticisms of shrouding your imagination into denying what you are seeing when you see it.

#1: Ahhh. Like when I see that #7 is so whiny about being lonely and I shroud myself in seeing that I really don't see what I am seeing?

T: Indeed. If #7 needs help we can help her… but only after she takes drastic measures. That way we know she is serious. Incidentally, we can't keep jumping to "help" someone just because they say they need help. They have to prove they need help. Otherwise, ezam izim inTaT inTaT … that would make us Enablers. Tliq new'ir. We don't want to be crutches.

#1: I know. #7 is prone to some histrionics, anyway. She raised a stink about feeling isolated and angry. She keeps cornering us and wanting to talk about feelings of lonliness and inadequacy… fears and …

#8: Her fears and uncertainty.

#4: Yeah. What's up with that?

T: #7… Why have you lost your Ayto Endalaye… Semto indalsemma burkah? Why do you insist on walking naked in the avenue of life?

Upper Management #7: I want to be free of the shackles of y'luNta… I seek open communication… I…

T: #7… Do you hate who you are?

#7: No. I love the new me trying to get out… I love…

T: #7…?

#7: Yesss?

T: #7…?

#7: What?

T: #7… Why are you so self-loving? Self-loving comes from… selfish.

#7: I don't…

T: Have you taken all your pills #7?

#7: No. I don't need pills to tell me I am wrong to want emotional health.

#1: M'Ts.

#4: M'Ts.

#8: M'Ts… M'Ts.

#6: Hey, that is so menaTi ferenjinet.

#7: No. It is all of YOU who need help…

T: #7…?

#7: What… what?

T: Why are you so shokaka-like? You know you are among friends.

#1: No she's not!

T: #7…?

#7: What?

T: We hurt the ones we love, don't we?

#7: How am I hurting you? By not conforming?

#1: M'Ts.

#4: M'Ts.

#8: M'Ts. … M'Ts.

T: [Long sigh.] M'TTTTTTTTs.


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