"anasgebam sergeNa idej yiteNa"

*cough* *cough*  maybe if I make enough noise it will block out the voices or maybe... buna...that's it...buna.… That will clear my head... . Instant coffee... no.... reach for the little Ziploc bag....the one mom left last time she was visiting... ye Harrerun buna... .

"kurat kurat yiwedal betu kurat yiwedal betu…."

oufffff! damn  song has been in my head all night...I hope I'm not going
crazy... pour coffee into paper cup...
 
"kurat...yiwedal betu....kurat...yiwedal betu"

turn on stereo...volume 5 -6 -7 -8 -9 -10.... Youssou N'Dour wails… bop head back and forth.....brain ignores ear....somehow the song turns to...
 

"nibo nibo atinadefi nibo atinadefi...mushirochun aytesh elefi...nibo..."

I gotta get out of here...into the cold. Glance at the clock above the fridge.... imagine the events taking place half the world away.  I've been doing this since midnight. I couldn't sleep. It is now 7 am here, it should be lunchtime there.  They are probably at the park...taking pictures.....agelgil full of goodies for the wedding party....
 
a few miles later a sharp pain in my palms reminds me to put on my gloves...throw away the coffee, barely touched....reach for gloves in my pocket... seconds later... I remember... he gave me these gloves. I take them off. Walk back to the trash bin ...and toss them in. They land near the cup... ye Harrer blend starts spilling onto ye Nordstrom cashmere....

hands in pocket....wind beating down my back....ears...burning....cold.... an eye stinging....nose is starting to feel runny.... alaleqsim.... imbiyew....
I refuse to be miserable ..... And imba...shiriririr bila weredech....Abo...it's the cold, not me crying..... He's probably bawling too....happy tears ... inatun!...
 

"ayzosh  mushirit aybelish kefa...hulum yidaral beyewerefa"

flip the cell phone open.....beep beep beep....scroll down the phone book... "Dawit - Et" entry .... Press 'Send"

silence.....silence.....crackle...beep....then it starts to ring... I hang up for the 30th time today. My toes hurt...... I regret answering my phone yesterday....Rahel, his cousin, from
California who, I am surprised even knows my number....she called to tell me he was getting married.  

nege...she said cautiously....

lemin?
she wanted to hear my reaction....meseleN.... I told her I already knew....wishetEn....
I haven't even spoken to him in a year... This was my punishment....besua bet… for not holding on to a good man....

inatun! He is ruining my entire weekend.

Rahelisha also gave me a number...mobile new...she says...lemin?....who cares... Evil, she is, that girl.  But I didn't give her the satisfaction. Tenk you so much. dewiyE congratulations ilewalehu. beterefe dena nesh?  min addis neger ale..."

cell phone … "Dawit - Et"

silence...silence....crackle....beep.....riiiiiing
static...riiingggg
static...riinnng
"he-llow"  says a man's voice...not Dawit....do I expect the groom to carry a mobile on this day of all days....

CLICK  .... That's number 31 for the day. What , what am I going to say???
Fuck
Fuck
Fuck
Fuck!
What do I want?
Nothing.  
beqa....enough...let me walk back to my senses....
3 steps back....

 "amora besemay syayih wale.."

Fuck it...

 "Dawit - Et" Rinnnggg.... Rinnngg
 "He-llow".....

*silence* on my end.....I can hear a lot of commotion on his...  "he-llow"
"Dawitn neber.... ke America new"
"qoy qoy AndE"
fingers inch to the "end" button......yes, yes...end this madness, child!
for the love of GOD press END! Please!
min litiyiw.....
"hello .."
"Dawit?"
"yes."
*silence*
 "who's this?"
 "nobody...just called to wish you all the best. Bye"
"wait!  Please don't hang up."
"eshi"
"thanks for calling."
I can hear faint sound of ililta in the background
"you better get back to the party."
"you're right..." he laughs nervously.
"good luck. bye."
"thanks."
*silence* neither one of us hangs up....
"aren't you going to hang up?"
"simi..."
"abet"
"qoChesh aydel?"
I laugh...I remember why I let this good man go...
"beTam"
he senses my sarcasm...chuckles again..."ay anchi"
"ciao"
"ciao"
I hang up and can't stop laughing.  inde qews.....

I saw a bus coming down... put my hand in my pocket to see if I have change...empty pockets...then I remembered... my cash, I had put inside aforementioned cashmere
gloves... I get a mental picture of Dawit smiling...

inatuuun!

start walking back hoping no one has emptied the trash bin.
 

[Note: All names in this article, except Dawit's and Rahel's, have been changed to preserve all individuals' privacy. ]