The Miss Ethiopia by the Bay event was held in the Club Oaktree of Oakland on the evening of Thursday, July 5th, during the week of the Ethiopian soccer games. The event was sponsored by Addis Tewlid Magazine, Nu Era Outwear, and Arif Wear. Fliers that consisted of miniature maps of Ethiopia sporting qorqoro crowns boasted that the Oaktree was with equipped a reggae lounge with a full bar, special guest DJs, Hip Hop room...wait, wasn't this supposed to be an 'Ethiopian' event? "Live performance by Dawit Melesse" in the Main Room was for those who seek an Ethiopian experience. Other than "Miss Ethiopia by the Bay...1st Prize: Roundtrip Airfare to Ethiopia," no other information about the contestants was disclosed. That was because some shrewd business people knew that most Abeshoch would single-mindedly bear the pain of Hwy 880, steer the many lefts and rights of Broadway Street in corporate/ghetto Oakland for the love of katikala.

Some never found their way in or out. Somebody forgot to tell the fools that they ain't in Kansas no 'mo. Rewind to the soccer scene earlier that day. 'Tis an ordeal one must attribute to what is to come. Blurry players, Abesha men with nice butts and legs, impressed the spectator. Many people with an interesting sense of style (funny this should be said by a Californian) bathed in the sun. A sudden rapid pace across the sky stirred curious heads to look up and see yechekole amora. No, it was not a bird, rather, it's the jet that the Miss Ethiopia institution (comprising a nameless Seleda-wannabe magazine and some FUBU protégés) had rented from nearby a private airport, trailing a lastic advertisement. Some exchanged curious glances while the professors of Yenegew Sew T/be't had that "PPa!" glee, proud of the meshashal of their pupils. EChhh, a weary few thought, "Jemerachew degmo."

Comes evening, mad security guys handing out tickets to those (almost everyone) parked on staff spaces (the disabled parking spaces saiqerachew), who in return shrugged it off it as another flier, and traffic jam tirimis right in the parking lot caused by the less considerate with their Enterprise Rent-a-Cars and their "2-miles-an-hour-so-everybody-sees-you". Flier carriers lined up like yeDerg wekiloch harassing hizbun...qoy, qoy, asCherisuN! Overly excited folks displaying all sorts of craziness like some seyTanam broads who were sticking their bodies and screaming out the window of a hoopty speeding towards 880 (Abet siliTane!), and more parking tickets awaiting the attention of yechekolu sewoch ready to party...and a nearby qoshtua yarere Abesha student of the hosting college quivering with chagrin and promising to get even with these mengist yabarerachew qewsoch...

These were some of the highlights prior to the Miss Etyopiawit bash. So, the day didn't start with bedehna igru. It could then be assumed that this was the crowd that arrived to nominate our next role-model/ ideal citizen??... Alrighty! The contestants vary from negeregna yemimeslu girls with excessively arched brows (some seemed permanently surprised), to straight up yegeTer qonjos thrown into outfits they're not acquainted with, to chicks sporting the East Coast (obviously from D.C.) Abesha look, and some old fashioned and hybrid y'ager libs worn by pretty and not so pretty sEtoch (hey, I thought this was the beauty pageant!?!), decent ladies in nice evening gowns, some hoochie-mamas-in-the-making, some who were okay and, some strutting the runway, afflicted by that Nazret/Lycée syndrome. Some just left one staggering, wondering, "Okay, what was that?!" This is an honest and humble statement. The sad but not surprising part was that this was not a formal event by the standards of the society in which we live (physically). Okay, let me rephrase (with some cities in mind). I mean, Be-s'det yalen'bet ager. In the custom of the country in which we live, from which we copied the concept of the Miss ikele-ikele, talent counts as much as 40%, interview 30%, on-stage personality in evening wear 15%, and physical fitness, 15%. The total would produce the ideal citizen.

The first question is, do any of the girls have college degrees (political science majors and zigubiN-bet-endorsed Masters do not count)? Any of them have professional careers (excluding pacing the D.C. Live premises)? Any promising artists, poets, writers (editors?), corporate arbegnoch, etc.? Because there are no official details disclosed in answer to these questions; it is doubtful as to whether there was any interview.

That would knock out the second question. The insipid website later showcasing pictures of the event could not be of help. It holds a close resemblance to the homepage of a rookie who just learned how to scan and post pics online but has not quite mastered the art of HTML. Well, I reckon I am obliged to be even more honest about what I have found. The on-stage personality in eveningwear, which should have counted (with a sense of fashion) for at least 15%, went swell. Yet some of the girls had little stage presence. A tasteful kurat translated into a minqir-qir that is usually attributed to the students of a certain private schools of our homeland. The result was remotely associated with "beauty" and "pageant".

Before approaching the last category, one finds that physical fitness is not just English for kechacha-net; it means a toned body attained by a healthy workout. Again, bulimics, anorexics, or those who never recovered from the uneventful situation of a certain awraja (yiqr-beleN, GetayE! ) do not qualify. Neither do those who clearly ihil yemaymiru or who haven't any intention of working out. Well, I hardly qualify as a judge except for that small liddi-biddie course I took about fashion and modeling.

Anyway, some girl won. Who? I was not, despite a cycle of unnerving polis tiyaqEwoch, able to find out. How? Still puzzled, I looked about hoping that someone else might shed some light. "So, what did you think of the Miss Ethiopia pageant," I asked a businessman from Oakland who responded with a glow, "So many people and [so much] Ch'fera!" He was clearly unaware of much else as he communicated his pleasure in the communion of Abeshoch in events outside the Quas Chewata, Q'dasE, and concerts. Zoro, Zoro, folks were there lemachebcheb.

The pageant, according to Mr. Desta BafTimu, is a refreshing concept. One of his customers retorted, "A refreshingly American idea!". Some argued about ethics and culture while others defended the creativity of the event. Yet, after countless minutes of liflefa, not one could recall the result of the beauty contest. Who won? Who were the runner-ups? What did they get? The prize for the winner was roundtrip airfare to Ethiopia! Inquiring minds wanted to know if the beauty pageant was put together by the same people who coordinated the soccer tournament, since the prize was the same. Either the Upp'yr Management has acquired an excessive amount of frequent Ski-miles, why else would they think that derso-mels to Ager BEt would be brq to America's Abeshoch?. One would think that the meals and lodging would be included, but no. Says an insider, "Migib considerably W'd honoal, and the winner is assumed to have zemedoch to provide lodging." Betam yereqeqe neger new! My bewildered thoughts led me to believe that the "Miss Ethiopia by the Bay" event is the latest scam of a society tirelessly attempting to connect in an earnest effort to revive the art of saifogeru maTabes. Look at the Tebesa 101 manual and on page two, in the second paragraph, one will find that, according to the writers (old timers), it is "Lomi biwerewir deretun metahut".