Tuesday November 12 2019            July, August Double Issue

A Web Site For The Young Ethiopian Professional.
    Volume II   Issue IV

Front Page
Table of Contents
Editors' Note
The Mail
My Story
Money and...
Imeri SuQé
Delala, NY Style
Thirty Questions
Selling Out
Bawza
E Trade
The Hustle
The Profile
Corporate Arbegna
The 25K Challenge
Medrek
A Kiss Without...
Top 10
MBA Woes
Do The Right Thing
Hamsa Lomi:
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Comments
Archive

Dear SELEDA,

I respectfully submit the following resume for posting on your online magazine. I've just completed my MBA from Upper West Hollywood Correspondence College of Business and Homeopathic Medicine. I'm currently seeking an upper management position in a firm involved in the importation of third world labor. I have had extensive experience in the business world and I've been in the forefront on issues involving sexual harassment, work place incompetence and other disciplinary matters during my tenure in a number of companies as a database programmer. Having had to defend myself from a number of disciplinary charges, I've become greatly sensitized to the difficult task management faces from today's empowered worker. Being from a third world country, I also posses special insight that would be of great use to companies interested in importing skilled but meek workers.

See attached resume for a more detailed description of my work and academic qualifications. Note: I am willing to start right away, but I have to get a few prior and long-standing commitments out of the way, so please don't call me during the following days...

July 3-6:    'Networking and Recruiting' retreat in Toronto
July 10-19:    Scheduled to be in court: divorce proceedings
July 21-26:    Scheduled to be in court: DUI hearing
July 28    Paternity test—DC General Hospital
August 8    Lideta
August 28:    Giorgis
September 7:    Paternity Test: St. Joseph Hospital, Virginia
September 14:    Alimony hearing
September 15:    Palimony hearing
September 20:    Pending: my 6th wedding day

Sincerely
Siraw Belete


 32 Mess el Chet Drive, Chevy Chase, MD 20815sbelete@seleda.com
              Siraw Belete
Objective     To conduct a 20-year study on the art of under-performance at work. Willing to be subject of the study.
Experience      1995 to present         Kisa Ra Computer Services, Inc.         Broke Town, WA
Junior Database Programmer
  • Recognized by Guinness Book of World Records as First Employee Officially Overpaid Not to Work
  • Credited with solving paradox of having declining qualifications while commanding more pay

 

1994–1995         Eye Firja Chin Computer Industries        Angstville, IN
Senior Database Programmer
  • Was single-handedly responsible for the revision of sexual harassment policies
  • Won Valued Union Member award after winning five lawsuits against managers for job termination threats.

 

1993-1994         Beau Zene Software         Bozeman, MT
Software Design Trainee
  • Co-Wrote "501 Ways to misspell html"
  • Designed several adult entertainment web sites, including Abonesh Does Addis .com

 

1992: Oct 7, 9-9:59 a.m.         Sin F. Naa, Ltd.         Idle, NH
Token Minority
  • Demonstrated excellent verbal ability when confronted with upper management …challenges
  • Proved company's computer hardware not so hard when chucked from the 54th floor, therefore inspiring innovation

 

1990-1991         Dibb IRT, & Daughters         Two Mellons, TN
Mail Room Manager
  • Responsible for filtering out porn material and upholding company's new family values standards
  • Created and managed database of boss' daughters' 'interactions' with mailroom staff. Used it as leverage for excellent severance pay
Education     
  • 1998–2000         Upper West Hollywood Correspondence College of Business and Homeopathic Medicine         Oneonta, NY
  • MBA (Majored in Bovine Astrology, Certificate Program)
    • Graduated. Really. I really did.

     

  • 1984 –1991        Las Vegas School of Dude Ranch Management and Computer Science         Las Vegas New Mexico
  • B.Sc. Computer Science. Minor Brothelogy
Interests      In order of importance:
  • biweekly mid-day massages
  • international beer fests
  • spectator sports, especially female mud wrestling
  • mentally writing my books (The Idiot's Guide to Working Less for More Pay; 101 Pick-up Lines for When You Are at the Company Shindig; and A Comprehensive List of the Best Sexual Harassment Lawyers);
  • helping others balance their pre-lunch and post lunch naps
Community
Work and
Achievements
     
  • The "Free Needle" program in DC.
  • Chief writer of manuals for Alcoholics Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous, and Children of Sober Parents
  • Voted "Best Parolee of the Year" three years in a row by the Parole Officers
References     
  • Ms. Jill Ann Fo: The Pink Pony Dancerteria
  • Ms. Nora Kebi: Starbucks
  • The chick from Star Treck (well, her lawyer, actually)

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