From: Dagmawi
To: Seble
Subject: If the fourth is a prod, is the fifth a jolt......

Dearest Seble,

"It has been a fortnight since last I penned a note to you, and I have been anxiously awaiting a response...." Sorry, I momentarily lapsed into an alternate state --- right medium, wrong exchange.

Greetings. I apologize for the delay in responding to your last message. I have been tied up (figuratively speaking, that is) in moving my place of abode. This is the fourth or fifth time I have moved in and out of a place recently and frankly I tire of the ritual!!! The entire experience got me thinking about the transitory nature of our existence in the Diaspora. To the best of my recollection, most Ethiopians back home moved at most three times in their entire lives --- when they married, when they divorced, and when they died. Otherwise, their existence was pretty much bounded by the perimeter of the house they were born in. There is a certain amount of stability and continuity to that concept which we have lost since we have emigrated to this country.

I was delighted to hear that you found my bedside reading material to your liking. Incidentally, I misspoke when I told you that the subject was outside my usual reading genre --- I should have added the qualifier "lately", since my reading tastes do tend to be somewhat eclectic (I am currently reading a novel titled "La Cucina" about the sensual impact of cooking on a large Italian family --- wonderful book, along the same lines as "Like Water for Chocolate"). Recently, I have not indulged in personal/exploratory reading to the extent that I used to, as my daily work-related reading (emails, reports, business periodicals) leave me too exhausted to entertain any thoughts of actually reading for pleasure. I am making a concerted effort, however, to reestablish my reading ritual, as it is one of the activities which brings me the greatest pleasures (right up there with wine, women, song, good food,....).

Back to the subject of our last exchange..... You surprised me by taking my statement about the absence(at least publicly) of Ethiopian sexual deviants of any magnitude in a completely unexpected direction. I had not really considered the issue of "institutionalized deviancy" (I don't know if I just coined a phrase --- if so, you have my permission to use it at any of your social functions as long as you credit me and pay royalties). I suppose one can look at the issues of female genital mutilation/circumcision, forced/arranged pre-teen marriages, etc. as sexual deviancy, but I think that would be offering a facile explanation for a very complex phenomena. As I am sure you are aware, the practice of female circumcision and fixed marriages serve distinct purposes in the minds of the practitioners (misguided, true, but there nonetheless) --- chastity in the case of the former, and economic gain in the case of the latter. I do not condone these practices by any stretch of the imagination, but I believe that it is misguided to believe that this practice exists due to some overwhelming deviant drive.

From the point of view of the parents, I believe it is an issue of potential economic gain --- the reality is that a chaste, young wife has more value than one that is not. This is still a harsh reality in many parts of the world even in the 21st century. From the viewpoint of the older male who is involved in the transaction (for, base as it sounds, that is really what it is) I assume that he is compensating for some void or sense of inadequacy by showing the world that he merits a pure young mate. As you well know, there is much cachet attached to a man's potential to attract/retain a woman much younger than he is. It is an inevitable by-product of aging in a man, I suppose, and it is driven by a very strong visceral drive to retain some of the allure of youth.

-- " A woman is a woman until the day she dies, but a man is a man only as long as he can." Moms Mabley

-- "The shame of aging is not that Desire should fail (who mourns for something he no longer needs?); it is that someone else must be told." W.H. Auden

I do not believe that there is anything fundamentally wrong with the issue of older man/younger woman (sounds self-serving, doesn't it?), as long as the woman is of age and comes to the relationship willingly. Otherwise, if it is forced, I am with you and believe that it is an abominable practice and tantamount to underage rape. It is, however, more than likely going to prevail for quite some time due to the economic and social factors surrounding the issue.

In closing, I did give some thought about your theory that some exigency may potentially force us all "to buy into the same evil franchise". I was hard-pressed to think of any catalyst that would drive me to such levels of depravity. That is, however, what these same depraved individuals I am reading about probably felt before they went on their "chopping" spree, so who is to say.

CAUTION.... FOLLOWING MATERIAL MAY BE CONSTRUED AS POLITICAL IN NATURE, AND THEREFORE MAY BE EDITED OUT BY EDITORS OR OFFEND THE READER. PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK. [Editors shrug..."hey, nice shrug"]

By the by, you mention that one of your cousins is doing a bio on one of the "famous revolutionaries of 1974". Fundamentally, I am surprised that she is depressed and shocked by what she is finding about this individual (I do not who he is, so I am making a general judgmental statement). The so-called "revolution" of 1974 was fundamentally nothing more than a coup-d'etat carried out by misguided Western-educated (pseudo-) intellectuals and a cadre of disgruntled petty military officers. Mind you, I am not totally relieving the pre-1974 government from its share of mistakes, but I am pre-disposed to believe that it was far more progressive (be it at a snail's pace) than the Derg that replaced it. The PMRC/Derg started out with highfalutin ideals, serenading the public with military marches and blasting the former government for its ills and misdeeds, promising change and a rosy future. The Derg quickly showed its true colors, however, and descended into the abyss of genocidal destruction, the after-effects of which will be felt well into the 21st century. Enough of my stint at "Speakers' Corner"...... I leave with you a thought...

- "Nothing is clearer in history than the adoption by successful rebels of the methods they were accustomed to condemning in the forces they deposed." Will and Ariel Durant

... or said another way:

- "Every successful revolution puts on in time the robes of the tyrant it has deposed." Barbara Tuchman

(Enough with the political diatribe --- you just touched on a pet peeve of mine, and I had to vent. Thanks for accommodating --- no response required.)

Eagerly awaiting your reply, I remain,

Your dutiful correspondent Dagmawi.

PS: Thanks for the compliment re: writing style. Pedigreed? No, no, it is just a vestige of the days when I actually used to write real letters--- I enjoyed it so. That style of correspondence is such a dying art, alas, and has been relegated to the rubbish heap, to be replaced by email, two-way beepers, etc. Such a pity, don't you think???....

D

From: Seble
To: Dagmawi
Subject: You Prod, I Push

Dagmawinetu:

I should quote something by Twain just to show you I can, but… it's 5:00 p.m. and I am drawing a blank.

Your last entry reminded me of a story though… I was about seven accompanying my mother on an excursion to Merkato. While she was ardently arguing with some shopkeeper, andu duriyE slithered past me. "Anchi!" he called out menacingly as all duriyEs do. I turned around. "Libdash!" he said very matter-of-factly. (Do you know what that does to a bona fide ye'bEt lij? Infra dignitatem!) After a little debate with myself, I decided my mother should be made privy to this encounter. I bravely took her aside and told her what that duri-sniff-yE had said to me, fully expecting an "Ayzosh yenE lij" and/or at least a perfunctory right-left look over her shoulders for the urchin and an exclamation of "YetiNaw? Ere yet abatu!" in staunch defense of her daughter. Not my mother. She squinted her eyes at me. What was I doing answering to "Anchi!"?

So… I'm wondering if I should take your bait and jump into the pool of female genital mutilation discussion. Ah… what the hell. I have a weakness for guys who can knit.

I often wonder if the world would be a better place, Daggieye, if more women thought like men, or if more men thought like women. I did delight that you at least allowed that they who practice female genital mutilation are "misguided". But I can't say I am "misguided" (how fabulously diplomatic of you…) in thinking that this is not "institutional sexual deviancy." © Dagamwi. ;)

Without getting into a heated back-and-forth on the primal need of men needing younger women to feel, well, like men… I find the concept of *mutilating* a woman to keep her pure very interesting.

And thus, in a land far away, Institutionalized Deviancy began. And in a land further away, two people far removed from it all, discuss it with dispassion and try to work out the "potential economic gain" of keeping your daughter chaste and valuable.

At some point, Daggisha, yene geta, does the reason matter? The men in the book you are reading, if they pointed out horrendous neglected childhoods which lead to their chronicled debauchery, would you have been as legass in your rationale and say, "The reality is that…"

So… tell me how this is not deviancy again?

>> As you well know, there is much cachet attached to a man's potential to attract/retain a woman much younger than he is. It is an inevitable by-product of aging in a man, I suppose, and it is driven by a very strong visceral drive to retain some of the allure of youth.<<

Ahh.. the "How does this affect me?" syndrome again. Soooo cute. And so last century. But still cute. If only women could be so smitten with it.

Dag, I think I would rather talk about fellatio. Wouldn't you?

I was watching TV last night and came across that annoying commercial for AOL Version 6.0 or 6.02.. whatever. The tag line was something to the effect "So simple it can't get any simpler… So simple anyone can use it." (Gosh, I would make a terrible copywriter.)

Point being, that there is my life these days. Simple. Exhilaratingly so. Do you remember the angst of chasing a career, the obsession with 2% body fat, going down the next black double diamond (huh? We back to fellatio?), the right mutual funds, an apartment on the right side of town, the right vacation? Where did all of it go? How did all of the addiction to chaos evaporate? I was so drunk on life in my twenties (thank God) and here I am now, sobering up (thank God). I am the human version of AOL 6.0. All the kinks worked out.

No longer do I feel fixated with hiding the skeletons of my past. Instead, I find I've wrapped them in velvet brd libss (just like Elvis) and getting ready to give them proper burial. It is a beautiful thing, not apologizing for yourself (your failures OR your successes). Dolly Parton said it well: "Do you know how expensive it is to look this cheap?" It is so complex finding simplicity.

Life, Dagmawi, is great. Turning 30… did it do that to you?

Nafaqih,

_seble.

p.s. Despite myself, I am enjoying this. Esti dgemeN.

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