|
From: Dagmawi
Seble... hodE, (Note: A woman I once dated asked me why Ethiopians always associate their terms of affection with either food or a body part --- anjetE, libE, birtukanE, etc. I tried to explain, but gave up since it always proves difficult to explain the intricacies of Amharic to a non-believer. Aye, antchi Amarigna, indabejush tibe**lesh (I had to excise a few characters, you understand, this is a family-oriented tabloid, after all). Indemin keremsh? Semonoon sitiTefi yeteqeyemsh meslogn neber. Basib baselasel, min biyE indasqeyemkush ligebagn alchalem. Lemanignawm, wanaw memelesish new, "prodigal daughter"... Your last passage left me with so many places to go, I was a bit flummoxed about where to begin. I especially enjoyed the Merkato anecdote, and it reminded me of a similar encounter that I had had in Addis. I was with a group of friends visiting one of the many "azmari betoch" a few years ago when the proprietress, in the midst of doing her rounds, approached our merry group. Although I had not been to her place in a few years, we used to frequent her establishment in the past, so I guess we were what you might call "denbegnotch". She came by, gave a warm hug and kiss to a few of the locals in our group whom she immediately recognized, and was then informed by one of our party that I was her long-lost denbegna "D" who just came back from the States after a long absence. After the perfunctory "oohs", "ahs", and "wey guds", she continued to inquire at the top of her lungs (over the din of the out-of-tune masinqo and the equally out-of-tune male singer) where I had disappeared to after "deflowering" her oh-so long ago (the term she actually used was "dis-verge"). My mind immediately raced at the implications of this loudly voiced accusation, and started to question the veracity of her statement : - REACTION 1: Judging from her vocal pitch and active iskista talents, one could only assume that her indoctrination into the mysteries of womanhood must have been a memorable encounter. I therefore chided myself for not recalling the adventurous coupling. - REACTION 2: By my calculation, at the time of her deflowering, I was probably just on the brink of my overly-reactive teens, when even a shift in the direction of the wind was sufficient stimulus to initiate a complex physical reaction. I therefore congratulated myself on the abundant restraint and stamina it must have taken to have actually pulled off the above-mentioned arduous task. Ay jebdu, ay jegna.... - REACTION 3: What the f$#%?!!k is she talking about and why the f$$##%?!@@?k did she have to say it so loud? While fighting the strongest "fight/flight" impulse ever recorded, I decided to show restraint and defuse the tension through humor. I glibly professed my undying admiration for her, and reassured her that I have never been the same since last departing from her presence. This guaranteed me some peace, since this reaction only prodded her to sing 2-3 songs in my "honor", with the usual innuendoes and flirtatious banter interspersed between lyrics. LESSON TO BE LEARNED: At times, it is best to resist the impulse to jump at the bait being offered, and to just deflect the confrontation. On the other hand, if you did that all the time, what a bland vanilla existence you would lead..... To the subject matter at hand.... Whilst I thoroughly enjoyed your short skit on the benefits of absolute power, I must say that I found it a somewhat simplistic and, in fact, detached assessment of a long-standing phenomena that (although by any measure absolutely barbaric and primitive) has withstood innumerable attempts at eradication. My explanation may have appeared to have been somewhat clinical, but I was attempting to attach some cultural relativity to my assessment. You, on the other hand, seem to have taken the absolutely compassionate tree-hugging liberal approach to the issue. From a practical perspective, it is true that I am little affected by a barbaric practice that occurs several continents away. That is not to imply that I do not empathize with the victims' predicament. What I do try to avoid, however, is painting all issues in such broad black/white strokes without appreciating the underlying nuances. Whether you want to admit it or not, such practices have powerful socio-economic drivers, and unless those are countered/eradicated, you are dealing with the symptom and not the disease. If you believe otherwise, Seble my dear, then you have definitely fallen prey to the hypnotic chants of the self-help camp. Oh, how so this century of you...... Seb, much like you, I would rather talk about fellatio, but I couldn't figure out how to segue to the subject. Additionally, such talk initiates a set of physical reactions that would not be appropriate at work. So here goes...... I find myself in the same position (now, now!! qes, qes!) you are in with regards to life and expectations. There was a time that I did feel the unending urge to go for that next raise, that next promotion, that next girl, that next drink, etc. What complexity, what bullshit! It isn't that I am losing the drive to succeed or excel, to take an abundant gulp from the gourd of life, but rather that I am looking for simpler pleasures. I have understood for some time that life is quite fleeting, and one must take advantage of all the breaks that one is offered. Our existence in the Diaspora, however, does not really afford us that luxury --- the mortgage, the credit cards, the work, the car, etc. It is probably time to step back and re-evaluate priorities --- especially given the preponderance of people my own age that have passed away recently. There is nothing like that to give you perspective, and to force you to inquire, "Is this all there is?" Seb, ready to drop everything and join Gilligan on his island? Or, if preferred, Abiy in Bahir Dar? I will join you as soon as I have sold my house, sold my SUV, closed my credit card accounts, rolled-over my 401K, transferred my mail, dropped off my Blockbuster card, etc. etc. etc. Yanchew tazaj, Dagmawi From: Seble
Daggi-- BeffeTereh…! Tell me you were not this trite when you were de-flowering that poor (lucky?) woman! (Aside: I am envious of your frequent trips back home. How often do you… come and go?) Not unlike your very apropos characterization of AmariNa, antem logic'n indabejeh tibejaleh (I keep forgetting this is a family friendly forum). But, at the risk of initiating a … "complex physical reaction", and because I have unresolved issues with leading a vanilla existence, I will bite your bait again. Besides, if you knew what I did for a living, you would understand that deflecting confrontation would have gotten me an apartment on the wrong side of the park. Incidentally, "tree-hugging liberal" IS last century, not that I would want to confuse you any more than is exactingly called for. The new century has hailed in "compassionate conservatism". Yes… grimmer than "the enlightened male". I think you might be the first person alive who is trying to sneak "cultural relativity" into what is admittedly a barbaric act. (Is it me or do not only Barbarians act barbaric?) So… does that make THEM (the silly practitioners), the CULTURE (uh-oh!) or just the ACT (as if it exists in a vacuum!) barbaric? "Nice people, in general. A little preoccupied with cutting off essential body parts on little girls, but otherwise, nice people." The "underlying nuance" you speak of, I assume, is economic depravity-- that unless we battle that, all other layers are just…undesirable consequences. If it were any other issue, I would think you generous. (I wonder if you would be as sanguine and clinical if the practice involved cutting off essential male parts.) Do you find it at all curious, Dagiyye, that economic conditions have not changed WITH this practice? If it brought prosperity to the land, heck, I might even sacrifice… no I would not! But if it does not alleviate poverty, but sustains it, thank you very much, I would rather keep *all* my parts. Belto maderin yemeselE neger… Besides, while economics has a role in this, albeit not as prominently or as de facto as you are trying to hawk, the fact is men DO have that visceral need to "attract and retain" young things-- some do it by buying Corvettes, others take more drastic measures. Ingrained in the minds of practitioners of barbaric acts is… barbarism. Plain and simple. A friend of mine and Editrix's is on a field trip in the Middle East… rich Arab countries where charming acts such as stoning and killing of women is part and parcel of societal mores. Now, can you CONFIDENTLY and unequivocally assure me that if I turned into the good witch of the North and curried wealth into these villages back in our homeland, that female genital mutilation would poof! disappear? Will men not want chaste women because they have high definition TVs? Will there no longer be a lot of cachet attached to getting the youngest and purest thing in town? So, maybe it is PSYCHOLOGICAL deviancy. The kind that is sexual. Does that make you feel better? Is it more palatable? Besides, *not* treating the symptom, doesn't it make the disease worse? (I prefer the more folksy saying "You are scratching the wrong itch, baby".) By prescribing that, "It is, however, more than likely going to prevail for quite some time due to the economic and social factors surrounding the Issue" you condemn a thousand more little girls to ClitoAuschwitz. Like the revos of 1974, who got annoyed by the snail pace change of the Empire, God save us from the hell, fury and wrath of women who have no stake in an orgasm. And THEN you will see just how fast things can change. Why is it so hard for you to stop at "it is a barbaric act. It should stop. Period!" You know why? Because men want their chaste and eat it too. I don't begrudge you that. InnE limoot, I don't. I just want you to admit it and beg for my forgiveness. OK… the first person to find a great segue into fellatio talk wins a brand new car. The problem, Daggisha, is that people have bought into the myth that there are no broad strokes (hey, I win!) of black and white. In Simplicity 101, I learnt that I deliberately painted in shades of gray so that my psyche could continue lounging on a goose-down comforter. Ah... the extents we go to not to feel discomfiture. "It depends on what your definition of sex/cheating/institutional sexual deviancy is". At some point black is black, and white is white, and gray is wussy. No underlying nuances… no economic gravitas. Wrong is wrong. Barbaric is barbaric. Trying out wooly theories of symptoms of poverty and circumcising women on me, well, that's just nuts (ooooh. I win *again*!), Daggiye anjetE. Not that it is still not cute, mind you. So…. Hey, if Gilligan or (better yet, *and*) Abiy can somehow get a waterbed on the island, I am so dropping everything and moving. I am done with the rat race. It's been a long ride (I win again!) and I am determined to sit back and savor the view from my window. No second car, no second home, a much needed vacation doing nada. I do wholeheartedly agree with you that it ain't for lack of ambition, but that there is a certain maturity and expertise in knowing when to stop writhing. I know I am inviting trouble, but Dag, I have to tell you how much I love Seleda. (Note to Editors: NO, YOU MAY NOT!) On what other forum could you and I have vented about this? It speaks to me on so many levels. All those dying embers for Ethiopia and Itypiawinet have sparked back to life in me through the words I have been reading. How do I interpret that? The conjecture that words do heal is the truest truism I have learnt to venerate. And just for that, the neznaza editors have my utmost respect [Editors: iNam ij nestenal]. Talk about simpler pleasures. I have never felt more that sense of belonging. Art, Dag, and a sense of art, is what will make this a better world to live in. (Besides Abiy and Gilligan giving me a pedicure, that is.) I await your response. Fidgetedly yours, _seble. p.s. I have a feeling that the aphorism "… ibete kristian Qomo aydegmim yiluhal" does not apply to you. Why? |
|
|
|
|
|
| © Copyright SELEDA Ethiopia, June 2001. All Rights Reserved. |