Chifera Bet Rules for Single Men
by: Hyiwot Teshome

With a lot of Ethiopians coming home from their winter migration from ager bet, we will be MeTlekleked with a lot of Tarikoch that they went through during their brief stays there. Of course, most of them went there to celebrate Kulubi Gebriel, not for any selfish reasons, mind you. But you know how Ethiopian Zemeds are; they insist on taking you to Azmari Bets and the trendy nightspots, and you know you can't say no. How can you MasQeyem them? So you were a minor victim of all the Shikucha at these Chifera Bets, what with your strike-outs with the girls but your unenviable edil with the young men. Well, count your blessings; you were at least asked by someone for that dance. A lot of your fellow migrants were not so edilegnoch.

So what went wrong? What did you do wrong and, more importantly, what did you not do betikikil? Did you think you had a free pass just because you were one of the yeAmerica jollies? You missed out on that status about 12 years ago. Back then you could just say you were from America and people would part and give you 'space' as if you were Moses at the Red Sea. They would be very solicitous of you, and every one of them would tell of you of their ayer be'ayer plan and beseech you to 'invest' just about $10,000 so that they can manQes'akes the suQ. Nowadays you are just another Parkiologist from D.C. You think you are zenatCh lebash just because you had a tie on? You are lucky if one of the native multi-millionaires doesn't give you his car keys so that you can park his car for him.

Your irrational exuberance at being in ager bet on ireft from America clouded your judgment and made a mess of your Desta on the way back from Qulubi. What you should have done was prepare like any self-respecting abesha with little to show in his pockets except a defar lib. You should have rehearsed your mejemeria moves. Just taking your awe-struck friends from the old sefer to the party doesn't mean every set lij is clamoring to dance with you or go out with you. So what should you have done? Well, the editors at Seleda held a Chereta for the best memeria that any abesha single man should follow while on ireft in ager bet. I don't know if I won or not, but it's not going to stop me from offering my mikir, now is it?

You rehearse your approach and the give-and-take that surely will follow at least three levels down. If she says yes, do you get medengeT as if you expected her to say no, or do you act as if you expected her to say just that? Do you masQedem her to the dance floor, or do you play it cool and turn around towards the dance floor and expect her to follow you? If she says no, what is your reply? Will she accept that reply? If she doesn't, what's your next move? Do you go back to where you came from and face the snickering faces of your buddies, or stand your ground and shame her into dancing with you?

It is also a foregone conclusion that whomever you are interested in is also attracting some other guy's attention, too. Maybe not just 'one' other guy. Could be many. So you also take that into account. By the time it takes you to get to her side of the floor, any chance that another Qil'etam might get there before you? How do you extract yourself out of an embarrassing situation like that if, indeed, another guy gets to her first? Do you continue on to the shint bet as if that was your original destination anyway, or do you just try another girl ezaw akababi?

Let's just say you are mentally tired by the time you manage to open your mouth and ask her to dance. Most girls will dance with you, however uncomfortable they might be. But some of them will shock you with the unusual answers they give you. That's when the rehearsals really pay off.

"Dekmognal" is a typical answer and it has now come to the point where its real meaning is 'Convince me to dance with you.' If you come back with a half-witty answer like "Bizu aladekmishim," you get a 'pass' and she will dance with you. But you get the occasional "Zefenun alawQewum," which really means buzz off or its more potent derivatives. It's bound to stop you in your tracks if you are not prepared for it. So you go to the time tested reply that works with most Tenegna setoch. You lower your voice, and with a straight face that would shame any sensible girl say, "Yenemebet, zifegnilign iko alalkushim'. Most girls are smarter than boys, so she will concede this battle to you and accept your request, but not admit total defeat. Her giggles are supposed to be her way of saying, 'You win now, ante zinjero, but Egzer yiTebiQih next time."

If you have a fraction of her smarts, you will never repeat this zede again on her or anybody else around her. Damn straight it is going to be passed on to everybody else she knows. You go on that mental black list from now on. So you stay smart and watch your step. With this tacit agreement, your 'victory' will last you through the party and maybe, just maybe, give you another chance to mawTat her another time.

From that point on, you are on your own. You can't rehearse what follows, as the rule is 'anything goes', within limits. Qeld usually will give you a nice kick-start, but you still have to watch your step. You can't offend lijituan with your risqué Qeld. You can always start small and test her limits, but you have to be feTan enough to retrace your steps back to the Chewa and yebesele self if she gives a sign of being med'efered.

Of course, you know that besinesir'at yadegech lij is supposed to be 'offended' the first time around, so you can't take every sign as a 'wounded' sign. What should worry you is if she stays offended. And again, if things reach that point, you are on your own. Hope you know the difference between striking out and meQ'alel.

Gura is another thing that should be handled very carefully. Most girls like some gura in their mate, but know your limits. Don't tell her you play for Qidus Giorgis. If you were that good, she would have found you herself. Again, watch your step.

Giggles are usually a good sign that things are going well, but giggles by themselves won't carry the evening. You might even start to wonder what this GeTaTa is still laughing about if the girl is still giggling by the time you realize the last Qeld you told was about 25 minutes ago. That's when your mind starts playing tricks on you. You hear a voice way in the back of your head saying, 'Ibd nat inde? Lezih new dance ishi yalechign? Gud fela!' Or, if you are an insecure wagabis you might wonder whether she was laughing at you or not. That's why you should avoid strong drinks at parties like these where you must start from scratch. Most people say alcohol will madefafer you, but trust me, alcohol exasperates confusing situations like these. You need all your faculties until the girl is well bekuT'iT'ir sir.

If getting her to dance with you is not in the cards, let alone getting her under your QuT'iT'ir, you can always attempt to retrieve whatever is left of your dignity by using the ultimate ke ifret adagn by simply saying, loud enough to be heard within a 10 feet radius, 'Ines min indemitiyi lemesmat neber' and saunter back to your side of the floor. You don't blurt that out and take off; you slowly count to ten and then turn around and walk back; no need to let the girl know you are mortified by her rebuff and what is waiting for you back there with your buddies. You are totally yetedeQose at this point but there is no law that says the girl has to know it. If you can pull this off without being laughed at by all the girls, you have a future in nigd or fird bet.

Assuming she is well under control, it's about time you start worrying about others hitting on yanten girl. Nobody said this evening is going to be a cakewalk. You feel drunk with your little victory, but there is another guy out there just starting his zemecha of the evening. The cocky ones are even thinking of their second and third conquest of the evening, the bastards. So you keep your eyes out for beshitegnas like that. If you hadn't noticed before, you start seeing them all around you now. You get no respect for 'bagging' your girl and you still have to fight to keep her yours. Here's how these jof'e amoras work.

The Chulule and defar guy starts shimmying down to your side of the floor and will say ney isti, enichefir to the girl that you emptied all your rehearsed bits on. If you're lucky enough to land a wend akbari girl that wouldn't mawared you, she will say, "YiQirta dekmognal." But this Arada Chefari is not going back to his side of the floor without a 'kill', so he will turn to you and say, "Antes, hodiye?" You both are going to lock eyes while you search for the 'appropriate' answer, but you can see it in his eyes that this guy is thinking, "What is his goddamn problem...melisilign inji?"

Now, your reply is going to depend on two things: How many people have seen the guy asking you to dance and how wendawend you want to appear to your new girl. You are trapped, either way. If you want to appear macho and reply to him Esat gorseh, you run the risk of creating a scene that you have no intention of attracting any attention to. If not a whole lot of people have heard/saw the guy asking you to dance, you might want to politely decline, but how do you do that? You know you don't want to dance or be seen dancing with a wend, but you can't say inem dekmognal. Leaving aside the implicit 'legitimacy' that this response might give to his request, you also know Mr. Cool is not going to take two dekmognals in a row, even if you can manage to summon the courage to say those words.

But, more importantly, you have to get rid of him at once or things will get dicey with him looking at you like that...So you mutter "Egziabher yiyileh, ante QoraTa," go to the bottom of the barrel and pick out that fall-back answer and say, "Zefenun alawkewum." Surprisingly enough, it will do for this full-of-it werada and he leaves you alone, as if he understood your predicament, what with faras like you not keeping up to date with trendy songs... J